Genealogy Chat

After a conversation with a living relative I have had a family secret confirmed. One of my ancestors managed to give birth to three children while her husband was fighting for King & country. I tried my hardest to justify it being while he was home on leave but sadly it was not. How do you explain that one when he returns from duty!! This means that there are quite a lot of rellies that may be related by name but not by DNA. At least it explains why nobody liked her and any discussions were quickly halted usually followed by a muttering of verbal abuse! Feel much better I have got that off my chest. Anybody else finding hard to deal with their family secret? Ang

Finding it hard to deal with family secrets of today let alone last century! :( Suzanne

Discovered a lot more pregnant brides than I expected !!!! Sarah :-)

I think this probably happened quite a bit! Some men accepted what had happened while they were away, having had various flings of their own - or maybe they were just very forgiving men? I think you have to remember that Wartime was a terrible strain on both fighting men and on the women left behind - you never knew if you were going to see each other again, or whether today was going to be your last day on earth. Don't be too hard on her! A friend of mine, now in his 60s, has recently found out that he was the result of a love affair between his mother (a nurse) and a German Officer who was a POW in a hospital. He was the middle child of 5, and could never understand why his 'father' (his mother's husband) hated him so much. It all came out recently and has almost a fairytale ending - his 'real' father is still alive aged 85 and after making some very discreet contact, his natural father practically demanded that my friend go to Germany. He did - and has sold everything now in the UK and is making a home in Germany with his birth family who have welcomed him with open arms. Lovely, eh? Olde Crone

well nice to know some have a happy ending :) I am making no judgements. I do know that only one of her 7 children attended her funeral. That is very sad.

Ang You only know he isn't the father because he was away at the time of conception. But I expect there are lots of babies whose fathers were not the husbands of their mothers, but we wouldn't know about it because the fathers were living at home with the mothers. nell

As Old Crone (I'm sure you aren't) says, do not be judgmental. If hubby was away fighting for King and country, probably so was birth father. Many men were posted for several years. The man who perhaps should have been my father was. The man who actually was my father, and my younger sister's father too, was also a long way from home - Canada - for a very long time. A friend of mine did not actually see her father until she was four years old. She had been expected, but not born when he was posted to the far East, and was four+ by the time the war ended and he got back. Many women had great difficulty giving up the reins of responsibility for all the family finance and organisation that they had had to take on during the war. When the men came home it was not all sweetness and light and roses round the door. Adjustment was very hard. We who have never had to do it cannot really imagine it. The poor man who should have been my father went away from three children and came back to find five. Sinful, one might say, but my mother and father had a loving relationship which my mother still cherished forty years on when I traced her. Her marriage had not survived despite putting us up for adoption. So, no winners at all there. It is fairly rare to find any family without some skeleton in the cupboard - all part of life's rich pattern I think. Best wishes Eileen

My family secret is unbearable, that is if I knew where I came from, obviously i have adopted family & recently had contact with birth brother & sister, sadly birth mum passed 2 yrs ago from breast cancer, isnt it a bit odd that all living birth relatives dont want to tell me anything about my father, havent a clue who he is, no name, no anything, know there was scandal surrounding my birth as mum was married to someone else at the time, but why is my background in other peoples hands, this I find hard to cope with, Louise.

Louise Maybe your family just want to protect you from any more hurt? Maybe they feel you have suffered enough? Truth hurts, we all know that but I do understand the need to know! My own family secret is 48 years old. This secret was kept by my sister all that time and she never even told our Mother. The baby she was forced to have adopted at 6 weeks old was the result of a terrible rape. Can you imagin telling that 48 year old that now??? There must be lots of other reasons why your family are not talking...but if it was me (cos I'm a nosy bugger) I would INSIST! they tell me. Just make sure your ready to hear the truth though. Take lots of care... Gerri x