Genealogy Chat

How long do i wait for somebody to allow me to view their tree. Have e-mailed some people in my contacts list to ask to view their trees and it seems that they are just ignoring me. So what would you say is a reasonable length of time before they might as well be eliminated?

have told them why you want to look at their tree where your match is to them as I get quite a few just say can I see your tree with nothing saying why Jeanette

I'm very careful who I let view my tree, a simple 'can I' is not enough anymore for me A few weeks ago I had contact with a gentleman who was very distantly related through many a great ancestor. I let him view my tree and he copied what has taken me months and months to get together, He also copied my living relations I was extremly upset by the copying of living relatives as he never asked for permission, when I contacted him he did say he would remove the living but said that he had a right to all the others, and yes he is in a slight way connected to them but his whole attitude was I believe wrong, ' I'm entitled to them as they are desended from my G/G/G/G/G/G_____' is not enough, what is enough for me is 'please' 'thankyou' and 'that is very kind and helpful of you' I will not be sharing my full tree anymore, I will email any info that is requested, but feel that the time and money I have spent should not be used by others who think they just have a right to it Simon

If you sent one of the automated messages, it will most likely be ignored. If you sent details of why you think you are related and a polite request on the back of that, give it a couple of weeks and send another very polite and detailed request. If you don't get a response, then just leave it. Ian

I too had a distant relative add all my reles onto his tree past and present, I actually asked hime very nicely to remove my living relations from his tree..he has ignored me and now won't answer my emails..and i still haven't has access to his tree!! frustrating it is! but it too has made me a little hard, prove your related to me first then I'll give you what you need, but not my whole tree! Anyway back to original topic, if after 2 emails they haven't responded, send a 3rd saying you are not sure your emails are getting through but could you please have a peek at their tree, explain the connection you think you have...if no luck don't bother contacting again! Good Luck xxx

I never send those automated replys as i think they are most rude. The ones I have mailed I know will be connected somewhere as it is a scots name and I have gone back quite a long way with the help of many others and spending money on scotlandspeople so it is disappointing when you see a name that you recofnise but dont get a respnonse.

I now do the same as Simon. I cannot believe the way some people are on this site and I'm totally disgusted with them. One in particular last year BOMBARDED me regarding my husbands side of the tree, oh, this is my family, oh, that is also, I got 13 messages within 30 mins, he sounded really excited so after a few questions I opened my tree with the understanding he would do the same, after a couple of days and nothing in return I wrote asking to view his tree, nothing, I tried again, the same, so I wrote saying he came to me and was being unfair not showing his, he relpied, 'I was an an Impatient obnoxious Cow and obvioulsy not from his family as I was too bad mannered'????? God, It only takes a click of a button!!!, I never got a bean from his tree. I tried to pretend it was a one off but when I was let down again a few months later, that done it for me, no more Mrs Nice Guy.

Surely all you have to do if living relatives are added to someone else's tree is contact the abuse manager who will arrange to have them removed, either by instructing the person concerned or doing it themselves. I believe offenders may also be barred from the site for a period as well.

Am I being simplistic in suggesting that if you don't want living relatives to be copied then don't put them on your tree. Problem solved!

Brian You are probably right that if we don't want the living to be copied, then don't put them on our trees, but my tree is not for someone else Just to copy! My issue is that these people don't even ask if they can copy, they just go ahead and do it. I would be quiet happy with anyone copying my tree if it is the bits that are relevent and if they actually asked, It is the fact that they don't ask, they just go ahead and do it, as someone who has spent months upon months and a lot of money doing this it winds me up that people think they have a right to go ahead and copy. The gentlman who copied mine from my own fathers side (who is distantly related from one of his decendants by marriage) then went and copied my mothers side and their relations and even my husbands side and their relations - and then had the cheek to say ' I'm entitled' All I aks is please please if you do view a tree and see bits that you can link to your own, ask if you could use some of it, in my book manners cost nothing.

I have the same thing happen to me. Showed my tree to someone who contacted me through this site with a common relative. After a couple of contacts we shared trees. The common ancestor we shared is the only one with that surname on his tree. When I looked the other day he had copied 40+ of my lot with that surname onto his tree. The thing I find strange is I have proved most of mine with certificates. He says he has only been doing his family tree for a few months. How does he know my research is correct? I would like to check on a few things first if I was in his position. Linda