General Chat

my grandson has never known his Dad -he`s 13 .Now the "father" wants to see him. I think it is because the CSA has caught up with him . He`s quite happy with his life without him but my daughter worries that he - her son -will blame her if she doesn`t let the "father" see his son.

I hope the meeting goes well.

It's not an easy time of the boy's life for his father to suddenly want contact, but I think it's right for them to meet, if it's what they both want.
The lad is old enough to make up his own mind about the lost years.

Gwyn

I don't know the situation but perhaps at 13 he should be allowed to make his own decision regarding his father. Good luck whatever the decision.

Sue x

Ros, maybe the two of them could email each other for a bit first, and see how much commitment the father has then. C. could tell his dad a bit about himself, what he likes to do and what subjects he likes at school etc without giving away too much if he doesn't want to and see what the father comes back with.
My son only saw his father a few times from when he was 3 and things got difficult when he married and had another son, but after them meeting up again in 2007, my son can see his dad for what he is, a lazy person who can't be bothered to make much effort. He was pretty good when my son was small about writing and sending little things, to keep the contact going, and when I used to take G. to Malta he would spend quite a bit of time with him but then the new wife wasn't around, she was just a girlfriend. Since they had the other son he has been useless and even now doesn't get in touch, the half brother and stepmother make contact sometimes, but there aren't even birthday cards or such.
I always tried to keep quiet about my opinion of my son's dad and let him make his own judgements and he has done so and isn't too bothered about his father at all. He does see his Nanna and aunts and uncles when we go there and they always used to send him cards and money at Christmas and Birthdays which was good of them, as they don't have a lot.
I never wanted my son to say I didn't try to keep him in touch with his father and I think your grandson should have the opportunity to get to know his dad. There may be questions he wants to ask or things he wants to say, he is old enough to decide for himself really. Is he in touch with his father's family already or would they all be new to him as well.

I hope things can work out ok and C. is comfortable with the situation and they can maybe even form a strong bond as C. goes through his teenage years and beyond.

Lizx

Difficult situation. I was kept from having contact with my father from age of ten until I was working. Afraid the result was that although Dad never criticised my mother, I ended up not speaking to her again.