General Chat

A few weeks ago o.h.'s youngest sister who will soon be 50 said she was having a birthday celebration dinner but changed the date arranged altho we didn't know the reason. I didn't want to go, they always arrange these dinners and it costs an arm and a leg because you are expected to share the cost of their dinner and get a present which they 'order'. They are all very selfish people and I steer clear when I can.
When o.h. was 50 he wanted us to go away somewhere which I arranged and no one, not his sons or father or sisters arranged a dinner, or asked if there was something he wanted. I did call the father and he said he and the sisters had already got something, turned out to be a cheap bird table for the garden which fell apart this summer, after only 5 yrs, and had to be repaired and strengthened. His sons didn't bother much at all with cards or presents or anything to mark the special birthday.

When the newish b.i.l. (been with s.i.l. for 2 yrs at the time) was 50 we were asked for £15 towards his gift of a fish tank and stuff for it! Similar thing happened when his other sister was 50, just before my 60th and we went to the dinner as usual. People were talking about me being so much older than them all including o.h. and knew my 60th was coming up. What did I get? Not a card or present, nothing and no dinner arranged by o.h. Ended up going out with my son and o.h. to a nearby town and then stopping off for a meal at a pub, with me driving cos o.h. said he didn't feel well.

Anyway have just found out why the meal for s.i.l. was changed, it's because they are going on holiday from the 19th Sept to 2nd Oct. (her birthday)

They are off to CORFU!!!!!!! managed to find out it's to Sidari which is luckily a few miles from our resort where we will be from 21st Sept to 5th Oct.!!!

No doubt we will be expected to meet up with them at some point, if they find out we are going, just glad we aren't in the same resort. We are going to try and find out the name of the apartments they are using and get his father to keep quiet, then we might just turn up one evening to meet them maybe a couple of days before they go home to buy her a pre birthday drink! Or with a bit of luck we can avoid them altogether but knowing my luck, we will end up on the same excursion or something lol

All those blasted islands and they have to pick the one we are going to!

And we still have to go to the dinner the following weekend.

Lizxx

They all sound very materialistic. I

Shirley, they are - they are dreadful. All me, me, me! The father is the worse one, he buys things for himself and hides them in his garage or shed so his wife, stepmother to his kids, doesn't know, he gets gadgets or tools he will never really need and tells o.h. he has them but says Don't tell J. They got equity out of the house a few years ago to get a new kitchen installed and a new car but he has had lots of other things as well that she knows nothing about and spends lots on things for the computer which she cannot/doesn't use.

I am just so peeved that they will be on Corfu and only a few miles away while we are there! They aren't the kind of people I like to spend time with.

Lizx

I solved all this family ill feeling re xmas and birthday prezzies a few years ago.

I went round the family and told them that as we had so many grandchildren that shopping for all the family was getting too much. we were only going to buy the small rellies presents, and we didn't want any ourselves.

Everyone was relieved, and said they wished that they had had the guts to say that years ago. Now we don't get the crappy socks and aftershave, and all is calm and happy.

I am not worried about how much he spends on his family, it's just the way they expect so much and sort of order the pressie or the funds for it! Then when it comes to his birthday or mine, they forget or just send him a card!!!

When we first had a holiday together, his lads were mid teens and at their mother's, and he asked them what they wanted him to bring them home from Cornwall - one ordered a holdall and the other wanted a football boot bag. We spent ages of our one week away finding the blasted things - now to me a holiday gift is a little something that shows you were being thought of, not a big ordered gift. What happened to a stick of rock lol?

Oh well, will just hope we can keep our destination secret til they go away, o.h. told his father last night on the phone but said Keep quiet, just find out where they are staying and the contact number, then if we want to we will phone them a couple of nights before they go, and offer to meet up and get her a birthday drink, and give her the card to take home with her or open on her birthday before she gets the flight back.

Lizx

It's sad, isn't it???

The question of cards and pressies drives me mad. I always try to send a card to everyone that i know on their special day, because I really do wish them a happy birthday.

This year, to my amazement, I didn't get a single card on my birthday from a single so-called friend. I really couldn't believe it !!! Over the following weeks the cards turned up along with the excuses, but ,I mean, I have a really busy life - kids, jobs, study, friends - as do they, but I manage to make the effort.

Honestly! I feel like dumping the lot of them!

Helen, I find the same thing happens to me, I have cut several people off my lists cos I got fed up with making all the efforts, same with phone calls, always me doing the phoning and then they would be happy to natter for ages, but never did they call me. I knew because I had an ansaphone and it showed who were the ones who left messages or even called and put the phone down when the message came on.

O.h.'s family knew full well when my 60th was - but not a card and when I said something, o.h. said it wasn't his place to keep reminding them! Well they are quick enough to make contact and remind him of their partners' bdays etc Especially when we had been talking about it earlier in the year.
Later on at a family day o.h. went to, I stayed away, why would I want to spend time with such meanies, he said they sent their apologies but were busy, had things going on etc etc but would make sure they got birthdays sorted out in future. It was too late for me, if they couldn't make an effort for a special birthday well darn them, but I waited to see what happened and on my 61st and my recent 62nd, yet again, just a notelet written in from his father and stepmum, and nothing from his sisters! His son has started remembering to send a card now, but not the one in USA, he didn't even send his Dad a bday card, only an ecard, and no present but he has been asking for handouts for years.

Oh well, I guess it's the ones who do bother that matter and the ones who are there for us, through thick and thin, and I have to say I have found better friends on here than some of my so called long term friends.

Lizx

I checked last night when on line and Sidari is only 4 miles from where we are going to stay!

O.h. is upstairs sorting out his stuff already, bet he can't get into his swimming things lol Up to have a laugh now,

Lizx

Oh Liz what can I say sounds like you are on a losing battle here,Short of cutting all ties its difficult to see how you can combat this sort of thing.
I hope you dont run into them on holiday buts S*ds law says you will.
MAYBE on another birthday you can say thanks but no thanks we are doing our own thing BUT that will probably cost you more in the long run.
I know some years ago I told the adults in our family that we were only going to buy the children from now on BUT our grandaughter got a bit peeved cos she isnt married but her brother has 4 children so she felt left out . Its resulted in us buying for them all again.
But children and grandchildren are a bit closer than Brothers and sisters . i have 6 of them and they only get a Xmas Card now

He is the one who won't stand up to his family, he lets his father rule the roost, as he thinks he is Patriarch and told my o.h. when he dies, o.h. has to be in charge of the family. Fgs, what a load of tripe! O.h. doesn't seem to mind being taken for a mug but the fact is that he has never stuck up for me, even sided with his boys against me altho now admits he was wrong to do that as now he can see how they stirred up the muck, and caused trouble between us. Over the past couple of years or so they have been better to me, when they realised how much I do for their father, altho the younger one having moved to America and married the woman who paid for his flight over, hardly bothers with anyone except his mother now. The older one has been lots better since he met and moved in with his girlfriend, and actually got me Christmas gifts and a card on my birthday. I think they realise that if I wasn't around their dad would be in a sorry state and I was the only one there for him when he had the bleed on the brain a while back.

I am sure if I need to I can plead a headache and leave him to meet his sis and b.i.l. if it comes to the crunch, I just don't want to see them early on as I am sure they will want to keep meeting up and dictating what we do and where we go, and will be sponging off o.h., as the b.i.l. keeps losing his job and she has to keep him.

Lizx