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and yes, we are having a party
Now, are there any good Northern Drama script writers about, because I think one will be needed.
My eldest daughter and my eldest sister have organized this and thank the Lord, it was not left for me to do, with my absences from home in hospital.
So, the venue has been found, after much difficulty, and booked. The local Miners Welfare. Only, it closed down earlier this week. BUT, a committee has been now been formed and it can now be licensed to sell ale. No longer Affiliated to the Miner's Union, (who were they, Mr. Scargill), it now has to have a resident committee with sufficient members to form a quorum. I digress, but it is necessary to inform them dern souf, how we people live north of the Watford Gap, and how our lives have all sorts of little nuances, to what you have not got.
So all is well. up to now. The local Take Away Sandwich Emporium has been engaged to do the catering ie, Sausage Roll, Pork Pies, Pineapple on a stick, and for the more risque palette, mushy peas, cheese and onion cobs, cold black pudding and onion cobs, and Fritters.
Now, my sister has become involved. She has made a cake, bearing in mind her cakes are usually made for the Temperence League of Mother's Union of Virgins and Teetotallers,it will deffinitely by a 'dry' cake. And, she has made some of those delightful little Cup-Cakes for the children. Children!!!!, yeaks, I thought this was going to be a hooley.
As several phone calls have come and gone around the family, without father having an inkling, I got an emergency one from the sister last week. We must have something for the toast, she says. We can't afford champagne. I suggest Cava, as an easy and cheap option, knowing full well that Dad would rather have a pint of best bitter.Ah, wonder of wonders, our youngest brother, who lives in this country for six month of the year, and South Africa, the rest, wants to make a speech and will pay for the toast. Well, now, that makes me laugh. He lived over there that long, that without sending any communication that the parents thought he had died. He doesn't even know our father. As he is bringing his contingent of sons, who all work in banking in the city, and I don't mean the Trustee's, he will argue with big sis, that he has spent enough, so another bill she will have to shoulder.
And apparently, our eldest cousin, almost 80, can't come because he and the aging wife, are pre booked for a Jazz Festival, but has asked sister to get a bottle of 'Best Malt Whisky', and he will re-emburse her. She will be lucky, He and his wallet are not easily parted. So I direct her to the 'top shelf' of the supermarket. Why the top shelf, she asks. I tell her that is where the best malts are kept.
Oh dear, I felt a headache coming on. Don't some people make hard work of life.?
So, that is the hall booked, the caterers, engaged, and the toast sorted out. Yes I have scanned over the guest list, and it looks okey to me.
It is customary in these parts to put one's family occassions in the local paper next to the Hatched, Matched and Despatched, and yes this has been done by daughter. I can confirm this as when I opened my copy today, there stood a photo of me Dad, must have been taken circa 1950, in his full dress uniform of Pipe Major. Now I know there are many who in our little locale will say, he is not Scottish. This I know. But he was fully entitled to wear the uniform then, and would be now, if only he could get in it. It's all those pints of Best Bitter.
Now to the entertainment. Dad is not given much to this, but daughter assures me that she has engaged 6 Pipers, from the local band. Well that should be good to hear a few renditions of The Tunes of Glory, I tell her. But no-way, am I taking my dancing pumps. I point blankly refuse to dance an Eighthsome Reel with my big fat male cousins, and also I refuse to do the solo Sword Dance. Besides, I am not wearing my Kilt on the day.
I have fetch myself a new outfit for the occassion, and no, I have not croctheted it. I can push the boat out now and again, but not often.
So, hooray, I am looking forward to Saturday. Oh, did I not mention, it is a lunch-time occassion. Whoever heard of a birthday party do, at lunch-time. When me and the OH organised a party for him for the 80th, we went to a local venue, OH talked to the landlord, money exchanged hands, all business was concluded. On the night, place was full, terrific buffet, and plenty of ale flowed.
Think there is a moral in there somewhere
Julia in Derbyshire
PS. Forgot to mention that daughter is left with the duty of getting Dad to the venue, bearing in mind, he knows nothing about it. Problem is, he likes to go out of a Saturday morning to put his bets on at the Bookies, so she is going to ask him to come and hang her a door, to cover things.
Also,with the catering, he is a vegitarian, so she is going to put a couple of cheese cobs in her handbag as a contingency measure.
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