General Chat

:-D :-D :-D

sally w <3

:-D :-D :-D :-D

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife,

'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,

BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,

BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.




'From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

We are going to make love all night.
' The next night he came home from work and yelled

'BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off.




When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled 'BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?



'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied '
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

Bobtanian :-D :-D :-D

I came across this the other day :-D

If you are an aurgumenative husband be careful and remember the story about the married man who was drving home with his wife when he was stopped by a police car.

The police officer got out of his car and said to the to man, do you know what speed you were doing when I stopped you sir?

The man began to argue with the police officer, after about 10 minutes the man's wife got fed up with all the arguing and said to police officer...........

You are wasting your time officer, there is no reasoning with him when he has had a drink.

The Urine Sample

One time I got sick and landed in hospital.

There was this one nurse that just drove me crazy.

Every time she came in, she would talk

to me like I was a little child.

She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,

“And how are we doing this morning?”



Or

“Are we ready for a bath?” or

“Are we hungry?”

I had had enough of this particular nurse.

One day at breakfast, I took the apple juice

off the tray and put it in my bedside stand.

Later I was given a urine sample bottle to fill for testing.

So you know where the juice went!



The nurse came in a while later, picked up the

urine sample bottle, looked at it and said,

“My, my, it seems we are a little cloudy today.”

At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand,

popped off the top, and gulped it down, saying,

“Well, I'll run it through again.

Maybe I can filter it better this time!”

The nurse fainted... I just smiled.







DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!

Compo would have been 100 years old next March. Makes you think. 14 years now since Bill Owen died.

I still cannot find out why he was called "Compo". Just described as a pensioner, so I think Compo may have been short for "Compost" to describe his dishevelled appearance.

THiS JOKE WILL SELF DESTRUCT SHORTLY


Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights.


One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.


Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.


Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly speaks, 'At one time here, my people were many but, sadly, now we are few.'


The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'


The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl, 'That's 'cause we ain't played cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin.'

:-D :-D @ Allan

No, what I was meaning was why was he called Compo in "Last of the Summer Wine" I can understand why Cleggy, why Foggy - but Compo. Compo looked too old to have been able to claim compo when and if he had ever worked.

Honestly, John, I can't believe that you have never heard of compensation, either workers' or otherwise.

Certainly in Oz, this is abbreviated to 'compo'

Or, it could also refer to compo rations as used by the Army, of which I have eaten many :-D

:-D @ Wend. That has got me wondering why he was called Compo. I always connected him to compost :-S

Compo died years ago, didn't he?

There are quite a few posters who might give me a fatal shock if they were ever polite or pleasant in posts addressed to me. Does that mean that Genes would have to give my widow compo?

rofl

You're probably right OFITG, I'm often told my sense of humour is twisted. Not bitter, just rather bent.

There was a band a few years ago called Twisted Sister, my brothers were sure I was in it.

:-D

LadyScozz - methinks it would have to be something really mind bending on this site to shock you :-D :-D :-D

Have to admit...

I've never read the T&C :-0

Does that mean if I get a terrible shock at something on this site, and keel over at my desk, my OH can claim GR caused it? lol

:-D

Have you read the GR T&C's lately?

There is far to much for me to read but found this yesterday and thought it was amusing....found under

number 13 Our Liability to You

We accept liability for death or personal injury caused by our negligence or that of our employees and agents. We do not seek to exclude liability for fraudulent misrepresentation by use or our employees or agents.

Nothing in these Terms is intended to restrict your statutory rights as a consumer (including your rights to receive a reasonable standard of service, more details about which can be obtained from your local Trading Standards Office or Citizen's Advice Bureau);

We do not accept any liability for:
any damage or loss caused to you where you are not entering into these Terms as a consumer;
any damage to your computer, any software or for any loss of data that results from your use of the Genes Reunited Service;


After reading the first line it doesn't look like a safe place to hang out :-D

Edit- I know this has nothing to do with reinstating the R thread....but just goes to show what a load of rubbish the T&C's are....I do not think I have seen any site with so much gobbly gook that you are supposed to read before hand

:-D :-D @ Sally

I always keep a space behind the settee for when a horror film is on. The film of Quatermass was on recently and I daren't even peep :-D

john your so right

I am not 10 I have lived a normal live ups and downs married 49 years almost who are these dictaters at gr

the thead had a warning why read on

oo I could say so much

if I do not like the look of a thread I do not read it the same goes for a book or a magazine or a film if I know its a horrer ido not watch it but others like them

yes I know I can not spell but others can so should I rr them it makes th same sence as to likeing a joke or not

sally w <3

:-D :-D @ Allan

If you enjoy a joke may I suggest that you visit the site below which has a vast selection of all types of jokes:

http://www.jokes.com

If you believe that you may be upset or offended in any way then may I suggest that you do not click on the link as it is not compulsory to do so.