General Chat

....and discovered he would probably need it having heard that a pair of Geordies were seeking help on their journey to the jungle.

It much preferred being a Canada Goose but couldn't quite manage to Eh!

Allan misunderstood all of this and spend far too much time looking for the Grey Goose bottle he thought he'd heard mentioned.....

The goose was keeping quiet because it didn’t want to be a mock(ed) goose.

A talking goose that could also lay golden eggs must be worth a fortune, she thought.

If I put it on eBay, I could get at least enough money to get us home.

Like one of Baldrick's 'cunning plans' Allan's OH had failed to spot the twisted logic in such a move.

The goose decided to keep its beak shut

OH couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. Her culinary skills were not using met with such difficulty.

Her screams gave way to shocked silence, when the Golden Goose suddenly started talking and explaining why they should treat her well, as she could help them.

She had a plan...........

Even the Jolly Green Giant was scared.

He ran around chanting, 'Fe, fi, fo, fum, If this stalk collapses I'll fall on my bu,"

The last word was drowned out by the hysterical screams of Allan's OH, who was being attacked by the golden goose which she had been trying to stuff.

With all the heavy rains, flooding, typhoons and earthquakes everyone at the top of the beanstalk were getting a bit worried about how the beanstalk would hold up during the bad weather.

Typical Plods, thought Allan, remembering the news article from Oz in which a Police car arrived at an incident, the gallant heroes leapt out to do whatever gallant heroes do.

In their haste they left the keys in the ignition. Yes, someone immediately stole the Police Car :-D.

Just imagine, not only a rollicking from your bosses and possible disciplinary action, but having to face your mates as well.

Some things are impossible to live down.

One of the drivers of the now stranded cars had a fancy, yet common name

The two police cars were destined to remain at the top of the bean stalk as both drivers had dropped their keys when they got out of the cars.

Allan had always thought that a zephyr was a type of wind and that the zodiac was an astrological device until he was nearly bowled over by two Fords.

What two police cars were doing on the top of a beanstalk was anybody's guess, although it could have been to stretch incredulity to the point of breaking.

Not.... the blessed Brian?

Unfortunately, the omelette was big enough for a giant....and who should appear but....

realised that in fact the beans were has beans. He'd just have to settle for a nice cup of tea.

Meanwhile, his OH decided to make an omelette with one of those nice shiny goose eggs.

Ahh! Coffee! Cried Allan, and he grabbed the beans but........

At last in the depths, she found some beans, but they didn't look quite right.... Ah...now they remembered, they were the special coffee beans they'd acquired on their travels.
....not likely to produce the required escape.

But yes, there they were,right in the bottom of the bag, 5 lovely proper beans.

Would they still have their magic powers?

Allan’s OH started scrabbling around in her capacious bag in the hope of finding some magic beans.

A bean stalk was just what they needed to escape the castle with the Goose.

The Giant scooper Allan and OH up into his enormous hand, and trudged back to his castle.

Allan then realised that massive bird in the corner was the Goose who laid the Golden Egg. If only they could manage to acquire one, sell it, then they could get home.

The Jolly Green Giant

(Cue the canned laughter ;-))

As the light improved and the figure came closer Allan realised the figure was too tall to be Count Duckula. It could only be.........

Allan thought that living in the Land of Oz was weird, what with houses likely to fall out of the skies at any moment, and the possibility of being attacked and savaged by drop-bears, but this cartoon land was something else.

What further Comedy of Horrors (my apologies to Willy Shakespeare) awaited the intrepid hero and heroine?