General Chat

Can this be right? My son has a 12 year old school friend who is living with a foster family. He is not in care because he is ‘bad’ but because of a family bereavement. If the family go out they do not take the lad with them nor will they allow him remain at home on his own. The lad finds this quite distressing. Surely this cannot be correct? Are there not guidelines or ‘expectations’ on how Foster children are treated or cared for? I hate to think of the both the implications and the uproar there would be should anything happen to this lad? I thought children are placed into foster care to provide safe caring environments for them to live in?

I think he should speak to his Social Worker & soon !! ,,,,,Fostering is about taking a child into your home and care for them as part of a safe family enviroment **and .if the child wishes part of he family,**,, On the surface this appears to be a serious breach,,,,,,

I haven't a clue about guidelines, but I don't agree with this. He should be treated as one of the family, I bet his foster parents are quick enough to accept the generous payments Social Services now give out, poor little lad. I think some foster parents are fantastic and do a difficult job v well, but some probably are more 'routine', feeding them, providing them with a bed, and waiting for the next Social Services meeting.

a new friend of mine poured her heart out to me one night, must of had a kind face, but what she told me horrified me and the poor woman is getting counciling now, she was wrongly taken from her parents proved years later when it was too late, then the foster mother of all the things to say to her was ' come with me you will be fine you are going on holiday'. she ended up in a house with the foster parents own kids and was told how lucky she was to be in there care and she felt like she was just a slave, the foster parents drank too much went out to much. i know of a few more horror stories , but in all fairness i belive there to be good foster cares too. one that has just popped to mind , another friend who was a mental health team worker who worked with abused kids said some of the carers acctually were part of child sex rings and groomed the children in there care horrifying.

Oh my God Blondie, thats diabolical!! I'd never have thought that. Surely police checks would show something up? Unless they hadnt been convicted of anything, I suppose thats the loophole. I know the church (catholic and C of E) can be a tad dodgy too.

I would contact the local social services team...ask to speak to the duty social worker on the childrens' team....there may be other things that no-one is aware of, but none the less, I would be concerned enough to at the very least 'raise a concern', and once reported, it has to be investigated. A child who is fostered should be treated with the same respect that other children in the family are accorded. That is what the foster family are paid for. Love Daff xxx

Not quite sure what I am reading here. The foster parents will not allow the child (age 12) to stay at home on his own and the lad finds this is distressing? Is this what is meant? In my opinion a child of that age ought not to be left on his own. Is the objection to having a baby sitter in? When we did fostering the rules were fairly clear. The biggest problem by far was the social workers. Duty worker not contactable (not even the police managed). You were not told the advice of the child phsycologist 'because the child's privacy has to be maintained'. The paperwork for the payments was not put through as the social worker thought we had enough money and did not need the social service money! (Thde money was nothing like what it cost us to look after the kids) Clive

I know of 2 foster carers.Both very good with the children,BUT it is only the money that draws them there.One will only take older children as she says you get more money and the other one is excellent But its her husband that wants the money.She had 2 beautiful little girls and she had,had them for 18 months.Social Services were putting them up for adoption and asked them if they would like to adopt.He said no.Reason he would no longer get money for them.I often think of them little girls taken away from there parents,settled for 18 months,then off to a new home. Annie

I'm sorry, that may have been a bit blunt, Sam....but I have cared for children who have suffered dreadful abuse, physical and/or emotional, at the hands of foster carers and carers...there are also many, many brilliant ones who do a superb job. But the fact remains that those who get away with it often do so because ordinary people can't believe it could happen...as you are aware of what is going on, it may be that you will have to report it, in order to protect this boy, or at least to make sure he is being properly cared for. I'd also phone the head of the school, and raise concerns there. I do hope everything is ok for this young man. To be badly treated at such a traumatic time is a recipe for disaster if not handled carefully. Love Daff xxx

If they wont take him, and also dont let him stay at home, then he's basically walking the streets, unless a friend lets him stay for a few hours. At 12, thats not right.

Sam please make sure this information carries **some truth**,, ,and let SS know ASP<or inform the School of your concerns,,,,,they can carry this through,,,,,

personaly the money wouldnt enter my head if i thought i could help a child , im aware you need money but weve managed on the bread line for all my adult life and other than my son beilng ill we have had fun and camping hols .

thanks for the reply guys...... clive i was trying to point out that they don't take him out with them and yes basically put him out on the street. think i will have a word with one of the deputy heads at sch, as if the lad is telling fibs there maybe a reason behind that also? sam

I have never fostered but this doesn't sound right. Might be worthwhile mentioning it to someone in authority, before something happens to the lad. Mary

Yes Sam, I agree that if the kid is telling fibs there probably is a reason. Lots of them and none of them pleasing to adults. OH and I used to get so worked up at the way the kids were treated 'by the system'. Well overdue but the government is to do something about not moving kids at exam time. OMG is that all?! Some of the kids we had had moved so often they could not recall where they had been. On one occasion we even had the school head teacher come round asking us to continue keeping a child. We couldn't. OH was going into hospital and m.i.l. could not really cope with our children. The two foster kids were classified as difficult. The poor little so and so's were going blind and were trying to do as much as possible before they did. The experience did not put off our children - one of them has just started fostering himself. Clive

nudge

but do be careful that the lad is not just fantasising. maybe to get attention. I too have been a foster Mother and the older ones can spin a good yarn to get sympathy. it is a fine line. Ann Glos

i don't think the foster cares are acting responsible its not a good idea to leave a 12 year old unattended for long periods of time

There were a couple of foster parents recently jailed for the cruelty shown to the children they fostered years ago, she had made out she was a wonderful carer and it all came out later that she had treated the children as slaves and her husband had sexually abused them. Another couple I know looked after two lads whose parents dumped them and later adopted the two boys, even tho they were hard work and they would no longer get money for looking after them. As the boys got into their teens the mother and father now back together and back in England, started getting in touch even tho the boys were adopted, and eventually enticed the boys back one by one with expensive toys and such. My friends have been left very much out of pocket but worse still, heartbroken by the way the boys have turned against them and are back with their parents who hadn't wanted them while they were little because they got in the way of their careers. So sad.

I have been thinking about this over night and know one of the neighbours to where the lad lives, thought i might tell he how my son is spending time with the lad and ask her opinion of him, but not nention to her what he has told me? I would hate to 'report' it to anyone if its not right but wouls also never forgive myself if anything happened to the boy. Kids get so easily distracted and there are a couple of very busy roads nearby. sam