General Chat

There does seem to be some concerns about this lad but do make sure the facts are exactly right when you report it to the authority. What we see and hear is not always as true as it could be. I'm a foster carer myself for difficult teenagers. Because of the problems they have, behaviour etc., we don't take them with us to see relatives .........our respecting ageing mothers need us to give them our time exclusively. As do my teenage grandchildren who I don't see very often due to the distance involved where they live. We have 28 days a year for ourselves to fit in family visits. Not long when you consider two sets of families living from the south coast to the far north. If we are away the youngsters either go to other carers who make sure they have a good time in our abscence, or they may be able to stay with their own parents. The youngsters understand our need to spend some time with our own families as does the authority. These teenagers leave at 18 but we continue to support them (no financial gain whatsoever) simply because we care. We do get a generous allowance from the authority but when I think of the bedrooms that have been wrecked as well as other damage done, not to mention the trauma when theft has occured I think it is well deserved. But it's not the money that appeals..........its seeing these kids turn themselves around, as many do. Despite what life has thrown at them they become responsible adults, have families of their own and in some cases the role has reversed and they do what they can for me if help is needed.

Hi Sam Glad you have given this some thought,but would advise not to involve outsider's as sometimes it cant be trusted 100% this discussion you have will not be spread,,,,,,,,,,Plus if all is above board with these carers and story has it you have been showing any concerns for their actions it could cause untold trouble,for them,,at the moment you have only hear say to act on, ,If this little boy is feeling push away or not having the attention he thinks he should have then he may just be blowing things out of context ,,,,,,,,, If you really must show conecern by all means act on your own instincts,but if you have never met this boy and dont know him then you could be throwing fat on the fire,,,,,,,,,I would reserve jugdement and inform the school if you have too ,as they will have a full report on his behavaviour and may know of any past,,,,,,,,they at least can keep it all confidential,,,,,,,,but would be a tragedy if none of it is true and the Foster careers are most caring ,,,

Kay I do understand what you are saying, and I agree with you that the boy may be not telling the truth. However - the welfare of the boy is the ONLY concern here. If he is fibbing, or exaggerating, then the Social workers will quickly realise he is. If he is telling the truth, then the Foster Carers need a damn good slap and hopefully stopped from ever caring for children again. If this were me, I would involve the school, who can keep this discreet and confidential and do any dirty work necessary. I wouldn't do nothing, as I wouldn't want that on my conscience. I have a friend who fosters difficult teenage boys, and like Mary says, the money is very good - but doesn't make up for the number of times her 'boys' have trashed her house, broken her windows and set fire to things, or the hours she has spent in police stations, hospitals or prison visiting rooms - she never, ever gives up on them, even when they are adults. OC

hi oc,, i totally agree,i think yes it needs concern to be shown,,,,,and if there is a need then like you i think school would be the better option to inform,,,as like you say will keep it all confidential and would know of any past behaviour problems,,,,,,,,,it would be a shame if these carers have been doing a worthwhile job for a good lenghth of time to have as yet proved --stories --that they are not treating who they foster as they should,,,,,,,, Hopefully its all just been blown out context,,,,,,,,plus we dont know how long they have had him in their care,,,,

I think your idea of talking with the neighbour and mentioning your own son is a good one, she will probably be able to tell you what she sees and you will know better then how to deal with it. Good luck to you and to the lad, who if he has done nothing wrong other than to have a family bereavement which is beyond his control, deserves to be well looked after and properly cared for and supervised. Liz