General Chat

When you need to visit a public Loo there is invariably a line of women waiting. You smile politely and take your place in the line. It finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied! Eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.You get in and find the Door won't lock. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long and you are about to wet your pants. The Dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' is handy but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook if there was one, so carefully but quickly drape it round your neck, yank down your pants and assume 'the position'. In this 'position', your ageing ,toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You would love to sit down, but you certainly had time to wipe the seat or lay toilet papaer on it, so you hold ' the position'.To take you mind off your trembling thighs for a moment , you reach for the Toilet Paper Dispenser, and your worst nightmare, it's empty. The Toilet Roll Dispenser is empty. You hover looking around in the hope that there is a new roll behind you, no such luck.Your thighs start to shake more. Then you remember the the tiny tissue you blew your nose on yesterday, the one that is still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck and shoulders with its weight. So you contort you arm into a very un-natural position and start to fumble in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled piece of tissue, no bigger than your thumbnail. Someone pushes the cubicle door, and because the latch does not work the door hits your head, which is bent forward from holding your bag around your neck while you are rummaging for that elusive piece of used tissue, this takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and topple backwards. 'Occupied' , you scream as you reach to push the door shut, and drop the precious,tiny piece of crumpled tissue you had only just manged to retrieve with your index finger, into a 'unknown' puddle on the floor. If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up,--- and sit down--- directly onto the TOILET SEAT. Yes, its wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well its too late. Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ and life form that lives on the uncovered toilet seat. By this time the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confuseed that it flushes sending a stream of cold water like a fire hose into the bowl which cause a spray of fine mist that completely covers your bum and runs down your legs along with the various life forms and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped to your ankles and with your hems and are soaking up that 'puddle' on the floor. The Flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab the toilet dispenser for fear of being dragged down too. At this point you give up.You are soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You tryto wipe yourself with a pice of Gum wrapper you fgound in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You cannot figure out how to work the taps so you run your hands under the two drops of water thare and around the basin.You go to the towel dispenser, past the line of women still waiting, where of course there is NO paper towels. You try the hand blower , which, you've guessed it, doesn't work either. You're no longer able to smile sweetly to the women, but there's an unspoken understanding between you all. A kind soul at the end of the queue points outthat you have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that when you NEEDED it??You yank the paper from your shoe and plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly ' Here, you might just need this'. As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since, entered, used and left the mens. Annoyed he asks'What took you so long and why is your handbag hanging round your neck?'

Would just use the Gents - never a queue for them!! Sharon x

Literally, PMSL Bob...although I must admit, In this situation, I just shake and go!! It does sound like me though when I've been out on the razz!!

There have been times when I have perched over the loo with arms outstretched holding the door closed, because there is no lock and I was desperate!......

Had to giggle at that one Bob...it's so very true! ! ! When I was at school, the loos there, I didn't realise at the time but the loo cover wouldn't stay up on it's own, you had to sit on the seat for it to go into the loo, needless to say, I just squatted over it and yes, my pee went all over the loo cover top, I hung my head down on the way out covered my face with my hair and legged it so no girls would recognise it was me..LOL LOL! ! !

Bob Very funny, but something is slightly disturbing me... You put a bit to much thought into that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carole ;-)

Thanks Bob - that made me laugh !!!! Love Mary xx

pmsl Bob ,but how do you know all this .ermmmm you have me thinking now .

Well Ladies, to put your minds at reat. this was sent to me today by a lady and it made me laugh so much I just had to share it. I suppose it has done the rounds but as I have been computerless for 3 weeks and it appeared before , then sorry. Bob xx