General Chat

See below

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.' This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster. I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, it's a permanent job.' I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.' I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver. Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU! I said 'Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said 'No, I've got china in my hand.' I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best Before End' I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.' I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he?' My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel. I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.' I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, I just couldn't put it down. I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on. My mate asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work?? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.' I went to a Private Detective with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. I said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.' I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.' I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!' This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!' I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said I was closest. I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a trio of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts. I bought a train ticket and the driver said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin. I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.' I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

well, that cheered me up..................

Yes that was more than a giggle. It made me really laugh. Thank you, I needed that today. Deanna X

Like it. Do you write for Police Story or Naked Gun by any chance. Spud

this thread has just had me gigling away to myself like some demented soul........thanks I Iove threads like this must be my stoopid sense of humour:O)))) angiex

Lol...........thanks Lyn. Just one question, where did you get them from?!

Very funny Lyn - thanks, needed a bit of cheering up! Kate

So pleased to hear that this thread has cheered so many of you up: Deanna, Waveyone and Kate - the simple humour is the best don't you think? Maggie - I got them emailed to me from a friend in work - good aren't they hey! Spud - so you spotted my talent then - I wrote all of those films all by myself! Angelina: You don't have to have a stoopid sense of humour to post here but it certainly helps! I'll try and find some more and send them on. Have a good day whatever you're doing. Lyn x

Some of those brought tears to my eyes! Great Thanks for that :))) Sue

The last one made me really lol.....Thanks, what a good laugh.

Just what I needed too - very good. Liz