General Chat

.... regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving!!!

Noticing that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone faster a flipping maniac.

Hi Aileen:-)) How you doing?,we keep missing each other. Roxanne x

Remembering when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. Remember never under any circumstances to take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

Growing old is..... Yep, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!

When you go to the doctor for a physical examination and instead of asking how old you are, they just carbon date you.

When the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it. When Happy Hour turns out to be a nap. When it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night. When you sink your teeth into an apple and they stay there. Your back goes out more often than you do. When you can't get your rocking chair started. when it feels like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere. When you get winded playing chess. When being a hippy does not have the same meaning as it did in the 60s. When everything either dries up or leaks. When you go for a mammogram and you realise it is the only time someone will ever ask you to appear topless in a film. When you have lost all your marvels. When you walk into a record shop and everything you like has been marked down to 99p. When the candles cost more than the cake. When all the names in your black book have MD after them. Aileen xxx

Joke: Elderly man goes to the chemist and asks for Viagra. Pharmacist asks how many he wants. The elderly man asks for half a dozen and asks if he can have each one cut into four pieces. The pharmacist says that such a small dose won't get him through sex. The elderly man says 'oh that's alright'. I'm over 80 and I don't even think about sex any more. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't tiddle on my shoes'.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!

Hi Helen, Hope you are well. Aileen xxx

Growing old is all about high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high anxiety, and low sex drive. At my age 'safe sex' is not falling out of bed.

Thanks Aileen, have missed you!! Love Helenxx

You can live without sex, but not without glasses .... when your wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!

love the thread Aileen made me laugh so much I have a lot to look forward to then- Hope the new job is going good for you try catch you later catherine xx

Hi Catherine, Haven't been around much lately since I started working as a careworker. Have been browsing through the threads as an when I can but rarely posting. Going out again in about an hour to make dinner for some folks and tuck others up in bed for the night. Hope to get on again a bit later in the evening. Aileen xxx

When going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you are barefoot. When you remember when it cost more to run a car than to park it. Aileen xxx

pmsl Aileen-I have missed your humour. catherine xx

Getting a 'little action' means you don't need to eat any fibre!

When an 'all nighter' means not getting up to go for a wee. Aileen xxx