General Chat

Lena was in bed with her lover, Sven, when she heard Ole's key i n the door. 'Stay where you are,' she said. 'He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.' Sure enough, Ole lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to Lena: 'Hey, der are six feet in dis bed. Der shud only be four. What's going on?' 'Nonsense,' said Lena, 'You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. 'You can see better from over there.' Ole climbed out of bed and counted. 'One, too, tree, four. Damn, you're right.'

Union Rools.... A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?' 'No,' she replied, 'I'm sorry it isn't.' 'Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?' 'The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,' she answered Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, 'Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules.' The man asked, 'And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?' 'The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.' 'That's more like it!' the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. 'I'd like her,' he said. I'm sure you would, sir,' said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, 'but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.' Bob...........''Live Long, and prosper''

bob u nut pmsl Rosex

Oh Bob pmsl Lilx

LOL LOL LOL Bob!!!! PMSL ~~nudge~~

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag. 'You look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows. Come back and see me in a couple of days.' The little paper bag felt no better when he went back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag. 'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor. 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' said the little paper bag. 'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor. 'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?' 'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor... >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> wait for it.................................... >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> 'Your mother must have been a carrier' thats all folks......... Bob

Subject: Shipwrecked A ?????man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely ?????man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the he started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear ........ 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

Bob r u on a roll Rosex

pmsl Rosex

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied, still in pain, in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked, 'How does that feel?' He replied, 'It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell

This is from a different source. I hope you enjoy it. It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. 'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bath tub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.' 'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. 'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?' Kind regards & g'day Bob

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started to leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her in. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?' Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew... 'They won't let me fart.'

I was creased up when I heard this one. This is absolutely true,(Allegedly) it happened to a friend, Hakan, last week in Melbourne. Hakan owns a small workshop & caryard in Melbourne. One night someone broke in and stole the wheels off a sports car he has. So he decided to get a guard dog. Did a bit of research and reckoned a Rottweiller was the dog to get. So he found one for sale and sets it up in his yard. Next morning he comes in, no dog there, someone has pinched the dog. But it gets better. He and his mate go off to the local dog pound to see if the dog is there, and it was. They tell the staff they are only just looking. Says this dog is no bloody good they do not want it back. Receptionist then tells them the dog has an electronic tag and had been stolen. So not only was it a useless guard dog it was also a HOT DOG. Bob

PMSL what u like lol

A not-quite-so-old one.. A nun and a priest A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died. After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, 'You know, Sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?' The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, 'Well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?' With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, 'Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?' The priest patiently answered, 'That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life.' 'Well,' responded the nun, 'forget about me. Stick it in the camel and lets get the hell out of here!'

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address. Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston… a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Date: Friday, October 13, 2005 Subject: I have Arrived! Dearest Love: I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. PS …… Sure is freaking hot down here!!

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says. “90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realise you’ve had it?” “Oh, sorry,” says the old man. “How much do I owe you?”

Just brill!!!! Caz xxxxxxxx

lol very funny indeed Bob and Viz Rosex

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that Mr. Fenton go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below. Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares ... and watched what happened. 5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants. 11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his 'Madonna look' using different size funnels. 13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!' 14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams 'NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!' And last, but not least .... 15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here!'