General Chat

I found out last week that my cousin has breast cancer. The cancer has spread from one breast to the other, and into the lymph glands. She has had a double mastectomy and has just started chemotherapy, and will be having radiation and hormone treatment after that. I am going to see her next week (she is at home, and probably won't be able to go back to work for about a year) and I wondered if anyone else has had experience of this. I am not afraid of seeing her or talking to her; I would just like to be able to do something positive for her. She doesn't live too close to me, so I will only be able to communicate mostly by 'phone or email. I don't want to patronise her, so would welcome any pointers from others who have been in the same position. Many, many thanks for any help. PS - Off on school run shortly, so I won't be able to reply for a while. xx

My cousin had the same nearly 2 years ago.... just tell her that you'll talk if she wants to and won't if she don't!! My cousin wanted to pretend the world was still the same most of the time but now and again she'd need a shoulder to cry on! Let her set the rules sweets! xx

I agree with Diana - let your cousin set the rules but let her know you are there for her. If you live a distance away then perhaps you can up the phone calls and e mails a bit and, from time to time send a card or little pressie just to let her know you are thinking about her. Being there is so often more important than words so if you can't do that physically think of ways you can do it from a distance - she may choose to respond or she may not but let her know you care whilst also respecting that she may need space to cope with what she is going through. You may be able to do the same for members of her immediate family who will also need support. Hope all goes well with her treatment - a friend of mine went through much the same process. She struggled to cope at the time but is fine now. Love Kate

Suzy As most of you know I have cancer. I think at the end of the day we just want to know that we are loved/cared for unconditionaly. We dont want to centre of attention and dont want to be told we look great when we have no hair. Just go with the flow, every person if different. But good Luck and if I can help any more just PM me. Hugs janey

Dear Suzy,Just be there for her,thats all she needs is love and support. a close friend of mine had a double mastectomy many years ago, at the time I really didnt know what to say or do, when I saw her I knew Instantly how to be with her. Just be yourself. Love to her and you Roxanne xx

I said to my friend that she would have to tell me what she wanted from me and I would do my best to deliver. When she phoned me and said 'I have cancer' I just did not know what to do or say, so she told me what she needed and I did my best, although getting married so she had something to take her mind off her radiotherapy while she organised my wedding was probably a bridge too far! Just be there for her and be ready to take the rough with the smooth. Sheila

Hi Suzy I had breast cancer 21 years ago at the age of 28, I also had chemo, your cousin needs to think positive, I know its a hell of a shock when you find out and very upsetting but I looked at this way, firstly her hair may fall out with the treatment, when mine started to fall out I went upstairs and shaved my head and then started to laughing cos hey you dont have to worry about washing your hair anymore, or shaving under your arms or anywhere else for that matter. It will take a while to get over the operation but remember pain gets less every day. She must take one day at a time and carry on with life just as it was before, but there will be interruptions ie going for the treatment. I do believe they give you sickness tablets now so she should be ok. Also after every session of Chemo she will be succeptable to colds etc so be careful. Just tell her that your there if she needs to scream, cry or talk about things even if it means in the middle of the night. Give her my best wishes and tell her to keep strong she can do it. Best Wishes Yvonne xx

Hello everyone Thank you all very much for you messages of support, especially those of you who have or had cancer yourselves. I will try my utmost to be there when she needs me, and pray that I can be a comfort whenever. Thank you for replying. I really appreciate it. Janey, I will keep these messages and pm you if I need to. Suzy

suzy im sending you hugs this is horrible fr you and your sister to go through, my thoughts really are with you ive only had experience through a friend, though a reli of mums had it but i was jus t a small child, all i know what to suggest is just be there to listen, and tell her anytime she wants to talk youll be there, as you will,

I went out for a pub lunch with my friend and her daughter (also a friend) and the daughter has recently had a reconstruction and is now on stage 3 of a 6 x course of chemo every 3 weeks, so it should finish in the week before Christmas.... I have never known anyone with breast cancer before, and was unsure of how to deal with her, without saying the wrong thing.....I need not have worried, she is so positive, so - even though she was wearing a scarf because her hair is falling out, I actually forgot about it.......and we chatted about everybody and everything.... We all had such a good laugh, I think she was a tonic to me...... I understand exactly what you mean, just treat her normally, and maybe she is the same as my friend, and will welcome questions......