General Chat

see below

In honour of Stupid People . .. . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- 'Do not turn upside down.' (well...duh, a bit late, huh!) ========================== On Sainsbury's peanuts -- 'Warning: contains nuts.' (talk about a news flash) =========================== On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.' (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.) ========================== On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- 'Product will be hot after heating.' (...and you thought????...) ======================= On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.) ==================================== On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) =========================== On a bar of Dial soap -- 'Directions: Use like regular soap.' (and that would be???....) ============================ On some Swanson frozen dinners -- 'Serving suggestion: Defrost.' (but, it's just a suggestion.) ======================== On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- 'Do not iron clothes on body.' (but wouldn't this save me time?) ============================== On Nytol Sleep Aid -- 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.' (..I'm taking this because???....) ============================== On most brands of Christmas lights -- 'For indoor or outdoor use only.' (as opposed to what?) ========================== On a Japanese food processor -- 'Not to be used for the other use.' (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) ============================== On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.' (Step 3: say what?) =========================== On a child's Superman costume -- 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.' (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) ======================== On a Swedish chainsaw -- 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.' (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) ===========================

Why can't I use my hair-dryer when I'm asleep. Can you tell me what is likely to happen because so far I've been lucky. The chainsaw I can vouch for. I was once a man lol Susan

wetting myself here, especially the tiramisu one, cos so many similar desserts have the instructions on the base!! Susan, that cracked me up too.

EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH... There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do. AMEN

Bob, those are great. You are up late?

winding down now..........lol I snore...........so I let 'er indoors Have few hours, before I turn in............. Bob ni nite all........

and on a serious note,,,,, going back to the superman costume..... when batman was around probably for the first time when I was a kid a young boy near us had a batman suit for his birthday and jumped out of his flat window..... So I suppose they have to put that one on to cover themselves.

lol why is it when i go to cook one of those fray bentos pies, i take the top off the tin THEN realise i cannot remember what temp. i have to cook it? --- the instructions are on the BOTTOM of the tin! doh!!!!!!!!!!! tina x

doh tina ive done that before - hands and knees time hubby holding the open tin and me peering from underneath lol

now that would be a sight to see Lorraine lol

Brave man jokes What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: 'You're next, fatty.' ******************************** Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache.' Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.' Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep.' ******************************** A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, 'What are you doing?' She answers, 'I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.' Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too, I want to see how you live on $800 a year'. ********************************* A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,'You must be single.' The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied, 'Cos you're ugly.'