General Chat

Stephen, although i am sure you do not want it, you have my admiration. As a mother of two and Grandmother of five healthy children I have no idea how we would have coped had one of them been disabled. The sheer pressure of 24/7 care has to put a strain on the relationship and some people, both male and female, find that they are just unable to cope. Your son, and the children of other dedicated carers are lucky to have you. But I would never criticize anyone who feels that their child's interests can best be served by putting them into full time care. and I would not criticize either the parent who, under the strain, walks away from the situation. 'There but for the grace of God'. bless you and your son. Ann Glos

Stephen and Shirley and all the other heroes who care for their handicapped children, unhelped and 24/7. I am stunned with admiration for what you do - I don't think I could have done it. Regarding the decision about long term residential care - yes, you must consider this and be blowed what family and friends say - they are not there when you need them to help. And you are getting older every day and the day will inevitably come when you are no longer there. Far better that they have already made a life for themselves in Residential Care, than having the trauma of being dumped into some sort of temporary respite care at a point where you have just died. A friend had a child with cerebal palsy. Her husband vanished and she struggled alone with her other two children as well. She eventually remarried but things were not easy and she made the difficult decision to put her daughter into residential care, for the sake, mainly, of her other two children and her marriage. Her daughter absolutely thrived in the place, became much more confident and independent and eventually left residential care to go into a flat of her own. She got a job and supported herself financially, although she did need a personal carer. Tragically, she died recently at the age of 29 from cancer, but at her funeral the theme was the celebration of her life, in which she had achieved undreamed-of things, against all the odds. Her family had not 'abandoned' her to a care home - she came home at weekends, they visited etc. Those who dared to criscise my friend were told that if they felt so strongly about the situation, then they were very welcome to take on the 24/7 task of caring for her. You must make your own decisions and you only have yourself to answer to - no one, who is not in your postion, has a right to critiscise you. I wish you all the very best. OC