General Chat

Is this really something that you can consider a secret ? You said that you were told it was 'folly of youth' but you suspect there is something more than that. If they alienated themselves from the family then maybe, just maybe, certain parts of the family know what the real reason is - after all 'folly' shouldn't alienate the entire family. So, you cannot tell only half the story when you believe there is more, and the 'folly' or more must be known to the family (or one part of it) or why would they have shunned him ? or perhaps those who knew and were responsible for the part they played, have already passed on. Maybe we all have skeletons in the closet and know part of the story but will never know the REAL truth. There are bones rattling in my cupboard but I know that I will never know the truth as the relative is now dead and the offspring were never told what happened, so we only know part of the story and that cannot be considered 'secret' or a reason for that alienation. The actual secret is the event that created the alienation in the first instance. As far as telling - if you knew the whole story - would not be prejudicial to anyone once the person(s) is/are dead for by then it is probable that the entire family would know - you would only be saving the couple, or one of them, embarrassment whilst he/ they still live.

No I won't Dee, everyone will know before I go,the reasons why I have done,said and acted the way I have. Not just yet tho :)) Plenty of years left I hope. (but I'm making notes already) Heather x

I will write all mine in my book...lol

It is an interesting question Dee - sometimes people will give it food for thought beforre giving an answer. Like me. Luv TJxx

Thanks for replies....I am thinking of PERSONAL secrets, emotions felt, reasons for behaving in certain ways etc. but definitely not what may have been privately shared with you by friends. Tonight I spoke to a relative, a paternal uncle, whom I discovered had a short-lived marriage to my maternal grandmother! There was of course, a huge difference in their ages (she was 48 and he just 21). I asked him, why did you do it? (Explaining that I was not about to judge his actions one little bit, I was just INTERESTED as to what the attraction may have been)! He said it was just the folly of youth...but I know there must have been more to it than that! After all, they both alienated themselves from their families because of it. We are all human, and it is the human aspect of my family tree that I would really like to discover. How they felt, why they did certain things....etc. etc. Which has led me to the question....will you....or even should you, take your secrets to the grave? Dee x

Only if i die before i get time to tell anyone LOL Lil

My mum took a big secret to her grave . She died in 1988. We only found out last year. Still trying to figure out if it was a good thing or not but she had her reasons and I think I respect her even more than I did before for it xxx

seems i have a few friends secrets to take with me,,even one odd one and was told not to tell no mater how he died,,

The ones that I know will cause upset are definately going to the grave with me. Kim

Interesting question Dee, and one to be thought of carefully. I don't have anything I wish to take to my grave concerning myself, but I have got a couple of secrets concerning close friends which will never be repeated, even if they do me the worst of wrongs.

I must go with Howie on this one. Sue

If I thought they will cause some harm or offence to the ones left behind yes xxx Howie

We all know what it's like to discover family secrets through our research....and to wonder about the reasons and emotions that led our long-gone relatives to take certain paths in their lives. So, do you intend to leave a 'chronicle' of your life story, so that future generations will understand more about YOU and your experiences in life? Bearing in mind that those whom you might pre-decease, might be hurt by your revelations? Dee x