General Chat

in a mo.......

Having searched through 40 years of death records I found the one thing I hoped I wouldn't. I started doing this family history to mainly try and discover and (naively/romantically perhaps) unite my mother with her half brother who she never met. I've found every thing I can about him, I even have a newspaper clipping about how he was involved in a battle WW2 to save the Ark Royal - his quote was 'it wasn't bad fun!' he was 15 at the time. I feel I was just beginning to unravel his life and there it is - he died in 1982 in Tunbridge Wells. We were living in East Grinstead at the time and were so close to him! - now I have to tell my mum who was an only child that her half brother is dead.

What a sad story........don't know how you are going to tell your mum this one.........feel for you........

That's so sad. A similar thing happened to me. My parents split when I was about 7, I never really saw much of my dad. When my mum died, some of my dad's family came to her funeral. 18 months later I got a call of my uncle to say my dad was in hospital dying. I was very unsure about going to see him as you can imagine. I went, he didn't recognise me. I told him who I was, he cried. I stayed and talked to him, said I would come back, a few days later I got a call from my uncle to say he died, on his birthday. Just be honest with your mum, then you can both try and come to terms with it. I found out my dad had been living about 10 miles from me all these years. I wish you lots of love catherine xx

Sorry to hear your sad news. We found my mother's birth mother ended her days in a nursing home about 7miles from where she lived and grew up and where i now live. She is buried close to us so at least we have found the grave now and have been about 3 times since we found out a couple of months ago. It was upsetting for Mum to think that she had been so close and could have even crossed her path in the neighbouring town. I've also got to tell my mother-in-law tomorrow that her full brother that we've been searching for is dead. He died 6years ago - they fell out 40years ago over a will. She will be 80 in a couple of weeks time and I want to tell her before her birthday as I'm researching her tree for her as her present. Can you find where he is buried so that at least you can say we can visit his grave? contact all the cemeteries in the area. I think i've been in contact with cemeteries in the Tunbridge Wells area in the past and they were all exceptionally helpful. If I can find any of my contact numbers I'll let you know - not sure where I put them as it turned out to be a wrong line i followed for 3 months! Good luck with telling her. Claire

Thanks for your thoughts - I know it was a long shot to find him and I'm really suprised I'm so upset by it - I never knew him. I guess I'm just sad over what might have been. He was so young at 58 when he died. Clare pm me if you can find those numbers I would really appreciate it - thanks x Dianna

This is the local council's contact details for their Cemetery: Kent and Sussex Crematorium Benhall Mill Road Royal Tunbridge Wells Kent TN2 5JJ Telephone: 01892 523894 Fax: 01892 510552 E-mail: [email protected] Office Enquiries Monday - Thursday 8.30 a.m. - 5.00 p.m. Friday - 8.30 a.m. - 4.15 p.m. (Excluding Public Holiday) Closed for lunch 1.00 p.m. - 2.00 p.m. Here are the contact details for all the Kent Cemeteries & Crematoria: Thanet Crematorium Manston Rd Margate Kent CT9 4LY 01843 224492 Vinters Park Crematorium Bearstead Rd Weavering Maidstone Kent ME14 5LG 01622 738172 Hawkinge Crematorium Aerodrome Rd Hawkinge Folkestone Kent CT18 7AG 01303 892215 Beckenham Crematorium & Cemetery Elmers End Rd Beckenham Kent BR3 4TD 020 8650 0322 Greatness Park Cemetery Seal Rd Sevenoaks Kent TN15 0AA 01732 457565 The Cremation Society of Great Britain Brecon House 16, Albion Place Maidstone Kent ME14 5DZ 01622 688292 Barham Crematorium Canterbury Rd Barham Canterbury Kent CT4 6QU 01227 831351 Northfleet Cemetery Springhead Rd Northfleet Gravesend Kent DA11 8HW 01474 533260 Kent & Sussex Crematorium Benhall Mill Rd Tunbridge Wells Kent TN2 5JJ 01892 523894 Kent County Crematorium plc Newcourt Wood Charing Ashford Kent TN27 0EB 01233 712443 I had to ring them all in January and they were all polite and helpful and looked up their paper records or databases for me to see if they could locate the name I wanted, some even gave me other people with the surnames that could have been the lady's relatives. Good luck in trying to trace the grave. Claire

I know I've grieved for my mum's birth mother, that I never met and yet feel strangely close to after all this searching. I also now feel so sad for Ellen with the news that I'm going to give her tomorrow, I think my husband may tell her for me. It was all over a silly argument over money and my husband lost his uncle and she lost her brother, never to be seen again. Seems silly, when I've been trying to find my own mother's family who she never met because of the adoption! Claire

i believe our heritage and its events can touch us very deeply, its part of who we are. hope it is ok telling your Mum, cazxxx

Hi Dianna Sorry to hear your news. I live in Tunbridge Wells so if theres any local knowledge you need just let me know. The people that work at the cemetery in Tunbridge Wells are really friendly and helpful, theyve helped me out alot of times when I cant find family graves. Also if you havent already got the death certificate, try the Register office in Tun Wells rather than thru the GRO. I havent ordered any certs for awhile from Tun Wells register office, but they used to be really quick. Karen

Karen thanks for the tip - I only discovered the death on ancestry this morning so no time to get cert. Still trying to assymilate the info x

So sad Dianna,hope your mum is alright after you tell her news. I have a similar story to others'.I began searching many years ago to find my Dad's real parents, he was 'left' with a family and brought up by them. It's too long a story for here, but, my Sil was instrumental in finding Dad's sister who lived in New Zealand, and my newly found cousins told me of her life,and who she had married etc. She had been fostered also and was only told she had a brother somewhere!! Sadly they never met or found each other as they had died within 6 weeks of each other. Some time afterwards when looking at my parents' marriage cert. I was astonished to discover that my Dad and his sister had married in England in the same year and quarter!! Mau xx

that is sad and it will be difficult for you telling your Mother. If you haven't told her things as you go along why not make a little scrap book of his life ending with when hedied, where he is buried or where he was cremated then she will have something tangible to keep. Ann Glos

Think that's a lovely idea Ann Mau xx