General Chat

LOL Aileen, That just about sums it up!! maggie

1. Feudalism: you have 2 cows. Your lord takes some of the milk 2. Pure Socialism: you have 2 cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need 3. Bureaucratic Socialism: you have 2 cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmer. They give you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need. 4. Fascism: you have 2 cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. 5. Pure Communism: you have 2 cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk 6. Russian Communism: you have 2 cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk 7. Cambodian Communism: you have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you. 8. Dictatorship: you have 2 cows. The government takes both and drafts you 9. Totalitarianism: you have 2 cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned 10. Pure Democracy: you have 2 cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk 11. Representative Democracy: you have 2 cows. Your neighbours pick someone through a vote to tell you who gets the milk 12. Singaporean Democracy: you have 2 cows. The government fines you for illegally keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment 13. American Democracy: the government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair ‘Cowgate’ 14. British Democracy: you have 2 cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything 15. Bureaucracy: you have 2 cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows 16. Capitalism: you have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull which you use to breed the other cow as well as every other cow in the area. Then you start exporting sperm from the bull to emerging markets. After several years of expansion, your company floats on the stock exchange. The SIB eventually intends legal proceedings against you and your spouse for inside trading. After a lengthy court battle, you are found guilty and sentenced to ten years in prison, of which you actually serve seven weeks. When you come out of prison, you buy two chickens. Then……. 17. Hong Kong Capitalism: you have 2 cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother in law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad 18. Environmentalism: you have 2 cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them 19. Feminism: you have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf 20. Political Correctness: you are associated with (the concept of ‘ownership’ is a symbol of the phallo-centric, warmongerism, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of unspecified gender 21. Counter Culture: wow, dig it, like there’s these two cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You got to have some of this milk! 22. Botulism: you have 2 cows. They get into spoiled grain….. 23. Pure Anarchy: you have 2 cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you 24. Libertarianism: whatever……. 25. Surrealism: you have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. The sun rises in the north on alternate Tuesdays 26. New Labour: you have New Cows. New Cows New Britain. Our Mission New Cows. New Britain. New Cows New Britain

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