General Chat

Hi Bev i really feel for you i had one of those as well. Getting any house keeping was like getting blood out of a stone. He could'nt or wouldn't hold a job down.He thought we were his parents we should keep him. know amount of talking got through. Finally he got a job he liked met a wonderfull girl and moved out they bought a house together and got married that was 2 years ago now i'v got another granchild on the way he is now 31 and at last he seems content.We all get on together alot better now. So there is light at the end of the tunnel dont dispair. Gill

When my son was 18, he would not work, did not contribute out of his dole money, came in at all hours (I usualy met him on the stairs as I was going to feed my daughter who is 17 years younger than him). One day I said that if we were to remain friends, he would need to move out. If he stayed, he had to abide by the only 2 rules we set and they were to pay something and to keep reasonable hours. He agreed to move out. He will be 33 on Monday and we are friends and have regular contact. Good luck in whatever you do as it is not an easy situation. Jacky :-)

Difficult one is'nt it? Your heart is ruling your head because you are so emotionally involved. Try talking quietly but firmly about the situation. After all he is hurting himself mostly, he's letting himself down and I think that is what is probably worrying you as his Mum, more than anything else.

Bev i empathise fully, my 25 year old has plonked himself back home, no job, no money. He does make a cup of tea but thats about it round the house, i packed him off to an agency last week, where he had an interview. Tuesday i told him he was to get to the job centre wednesday, and take anything he can get, or ge gets out of my house, he vanished tuesday night to his girlfriends house and i haven't seen him since. But i have told him a week to get a job, or out, its not a hotel and hes an adult, I've done by bit as mum, but life is no longer a free ride. Sometimes you have to be tough, even though its hard sandra

well Bev - im 22 and living at home, i am truly horrified that your son is acting this way. i always do my share - infact everyones share - of the house work, cooking (well if u can call it that) and would not dream of staying here rent free. he is acting like he's 15 think he needs a good chat and to grow up! sorry if thats harsh Ali xxx

I dont know what to say to you as I dont really know your situation. My son at 22 was at uni, but he came home during the holidays. He always got a job for the time he was off. He always gave us money when he earned. He is a good man, BUT, we live a FAMILY life. He has his own home now, but if we need , he gives us, and if he needs, we give him. Thats how families work isnt it? Is your son Depressed ? There is so much to think about.Whatever you decide,goodluck. Deanna

Bad situation Bev,my brother is 43 and has 5 children and 2 grandchildren but cant hold down a relationship because he is alchoholic.So most of the time he is back at my mum's who is 80 years old and lives on her own!. Off and on he has lived there for most of the time over the last 10 years and not paid my Mum a bean.He steals money cigarettes anything I have been down loads of times and asked him to leave but my Mum says he is her son and she cant see him homeless which I understand but it is big problem which is hard to solve? Davex

Sensible talk there Bec! Apart from the fact that you will obviously feel increasingly resentful, it isn't helping him to become independent and unselfish. I don't see why being his mother means accepting this behaviour. Being his mother means that you deserve his respect and if you are providing him with a home, food and laundry facilities, then he should be contributing both financially and in taking his turn doing chores in the house. nell

This is a very difficult situation. Over a year ago my mother turned to me and said I needed to move out if we were going to stop our relationship from deteriorating altogether. It was very difficult, I was just 21 and felt rejected but in retrospect it was the best thing by far! I'm now totally independent, mature and my mum and I are getting on much better :-) Think it may be time for you to say something to him, for your sake and even more for his sake! love becx

You and i have had this chat.....maybe im hard....but i would serve him notice to quit his 'hotel' thats free. He is an adult and really is taking the mick..to be polite. He needs to buck his ideas up. God i sound hard...sorry Bev xx

Sit him down, tell him you cannot afford/will not tolerate/are very displeased with his lack of contribution/stealing/work-shy attitude. If he cannot see the error of his ways, invite him to find alternative accommodation - try leaving the newspaper open at the appropriate page on Flats etc. and ring the costs in red pen. My son also went through a similar stage, although he was a little younger (about 19 or so when he came back from a year's backpacking around Europe). When he found a new girl friend he couldnt wait to leave home and set up home with her - he then realised that he had to work to get the money to do so and the situation resolved itself. It's really difficult but he should be made aware that he is causing you problems and you obviously do not deserve that sort of treatment. Have to be cruel to be kind at the end of the day. Jacqui

no no signs of him moving out i think i am being taken for a ride here, but i am his mother what do i do??? Bev

Bev You are being treated very badly. You don't need me to tell you this. What would you say to a friend who was in the same situation? nell

ok this is not an easy thread for me to start, but as some of you know i have had personal issues lately and i need others perspective on this. My 22 yr old son is currently living with us, he has not paid any housekeeping for 2 months, is overdrawn in the bank, nicks fags and money, runs up telephone bills at 4am, goes to work when he feels like it. what should i do?????