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Modern Nursery Rhymes (a bit rude!!)

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 30 Nov 2007 18:46

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct.


It's Raining, It's Pouring. Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.


Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes.


Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides and everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs.


Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front ...But she didn't wear that one often.


Mary had a little lamb her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread.


Researching:
Henry Floyd (g x 4 grandad) Allegedly the heaviest man in England in 1842

Toothfairy

Toothfairy Report 30 Nov 2007 18:48

PMSL!!!!!
Needed that laugh then..
Thanks!

LOU XXXXXXXXXXXX

Ladylol Pusser Cat

Ladylol Pusser Cat Report 30 Nov 2007 18:52

mary mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
i live in a flat you stupid tw=t so how the fluff do i know

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 30 Nov 2007 18:53

And some more:

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have u got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon ' Pies you d*ckhead ' .


Mary had a little lamb it ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its @rse and turned its wool to nylon.


Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play he kissed them too cause he was gay.


Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill, the dill, forgot her pill, and now they have a son.


Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass and grabbed her arse Now two of his teeth are missing.


Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy. Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease And now it's black and crispy.


Researching:
Henry Floyd (g x 4 grandad) Allegedly the heaviest man in England in 1842

Sue

Sue Report 30 Nov 2007 18:56

pmsl

Richard Digance comes to mind here

ding dong bell
p*ssy down a well
how can you tell
by the bleeding awful smell

Sue xx

Ladylol Pusser Cat

Ladylol Pusser Cat Report 30 Nov 2007 18:59

wmsl and specky just read em out

★♥*¨¨*Little Ann*¨¨*♥★

★♥*¨¨*Little Ann*¨¨*♥★ Report 30 Nov 2007 19:08

A friend added this to one of my threads once, sure he won't mind me sharing it with you :)

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with a silver crown
But not for carrying water.

Ann x

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 30 Nov 2007 19:18

Oh Maggie- how hysterical - I needed a good laugh today, really I did!

Researching:
Breakspears of Berkshire and Cardiff, Williams and Harman of Whitchurch, Melingriffith &Tongwynlais,Glamorgan WE HAVE NO CONNECTION Do not share your tree with me