General Chat

Hi Merlin.

Thanks for that. And you are so right about choosing friends. I have some wonderful friends now who are the family I always longed for.xJ

Yesterday, having nothing better to do, I re-read this whole thread and,if nothing else makes this thread seem worthwhile, reading Jill's posts does.

This is not even particularly for their content which I did not read in their entirety. In fact I couldn't read the first ones, they were so disjointed and full of anger and bewilderment. It must have felt good to get it all out

The last couple read as if they were written by a different person.coherent. logical and beautifully put together.

I hope we can all continue to suppoet each other for a long time yet.

I have been reading an article about a man who was sexually abused, which is the abuse that is everybody is appalled by when many are not quite sure if psychological abuse matters, and could so much relate the struggle he described as having to understand why it was happening.

I think I once came to the conclusion that it was one of those onerous duties of parents, and she had so many, to make us unhappy in childhood so that we would be happy when we grew up.

Well,I got that one wrong then!

I thought it was time to bump this up and also because I am having one of those 'struggling' days; a day when it's all just too much to deal with

I have so much to do that I want to get done but no inner strength to start any task. I want to craft or do a bit of family tree or even work on some writing. It's the old 'training' of feeling guilty because it's something for me when the house isn't perfect or tidy so I'm a bad person for that alone. How stupid is all of this?I even used to be made to feel bad for going to bed and sleeping. How dare I be tired and how dare I think about going to bed when there was a cup left to wash up or I hadn't dusted that day. Bl**dy parents and sibling.

Oh stuff it. I'm going to get a hot choc and pick a branch of the tree to work on. Or I might get my laptop out and write :-D

Of course I could do what I'm doing now and sitting here enjoying the company of daughter and son whilst the rugby is on. All of which, my family would never understand me enjoying. :-P :-P :-P

Moan over :-D

No,I was never able to relax either. Anything the parents didn't fancy doing was my duty after they had tried to pass it over to each other.

You take it into adult life,the feeling that you are not doing enough.If only you could get hold of a few longer days.It makes you open for exploitation by others too I think.

Jill I was feeling a tad guilty because she hasn´t got to see me for 2 wks because I am here sorting her stuff out. I was also feeling guilty because a) I am running out of time and B) I´m having to be brutal with things.

Today I decided to attack the stuff in the garage.!

Stuff is a good word
Stuff her, Stuff it.

I spent 7hrs in there (and still haven´t finished) What have I found, the only photo´s she has of me stuffed in a tatty box with a load of cr*p. Oh and my Dads builders certificates that she shouldn´t have had anyway.
So with my back now killing me I´m teetering on tether edge... if it wasn´t for the fact I would still have to sort the stuff I would be on a train to Gatwick right now.

Jill . You are such a lovely person just try to put these demons behind you enjoy your life with your family. What an eye opener reading this thread.

Hugs to you too Uzzi

I count my blessings everyday. <3 <3

Thank you for kind words Paula. <3

Uzzi. If you are still there, pm me your telephone number and you can rant to me in person for a few minutes. I can't remember the number I rang you on last time.xx

Hi there
Just checked in to my threads and found you conversing again on this topic.

Jill, and Sharron, you have got a lot to deal with and I understand. especially when there is stuff to pack and sort out.

Im still de cluttering, but the property is on the market and I have had 3 inquiries so far.
I understand the feeling of needing to do.......but not having the energy to do anything. Some days Im tired of everything. thoughts of "need to" really sap my energy. so im trying to learn to ask and tell myself Why do I need to and why should I?
If the answer is only "Because HE said so." then....... I let my self off the HOOK.

and a hook it is. oh to pull that hook out hurts, but I need to realize it sets me free.


But so lucky to have a few good friends. yesterday I had 3 phone calls. all must have sensed I was feeling down. Bless them. One I was invited to Christmas lunch, wow; another to come to a bbq later today.

Its at times like this I know I am cared for.
just to get out and do something different is taking my mind to a different level.

If only I could (untrain ) my mind. or is it retrain, things would be better all round.

Nudged to celebrate it's restoration with many thanks to Phil.

Thank goodness I was looking for this thread a few weeks ago ........So I,m not mad!! it was here

Just had a very nasty encounter with one of "these" types of people BUT guess what we will win!! not you ..........but then you will retract all the rubbish you have spouted lol :-D

So glad it has been found - much too important to be 'lost'. May it continue to give hope to others.

I have found a site called 'Lights House' which is pretty useful.
There appear to be a few more sites about narcissism coming along.And a good thing too I say.

Pleased to see this thread restored. :-D :-D

Carol

Like you, Paula, I'm glad to see it restored.
I've only read through the last 3 pages, and realise my mum wasn't really narcissistic, she just never really wanted me and never really wanted to know me!
She told my sister, (I'm the youngest of 4) after staying with me 2 years ago, that I 'Had a great sense of humour and was quite a nice person', and that she'd never realised it before!! Well, it only took her 54 years to work that one out :-D
She died in December, and me and my siblings had to go out to Portugal (where she lived) to sign various documents, clear the house etc. The only thing mum & I had in common was genealogy, which I started.

The four of us stayed in mums house for a week, and some interesting conversations took place between the four of us.

It was agreed, I got the sh*t deal!! Mum would be okay for a while, then suddenly start treating me like a naughty 8 year old - even though I was a grandmother. I was lucky my sister and one brother had noticed it, so I wasn't going mad.
Having said that, mum had a hard deal, she had to look after her brother (10 years younger) more than was necessary, when she was young, as her elder sister was 'destined for better things'. (which, of course, never transpired)

I think you might be describing a degree of narcissim Maggie.

Evidently it was a degree you could cope with without too much distress.

Hi Sharron,
I think I had strange ways of dealing with it. I used to sit in the garden in the evenings. From about the age of 10, I had advanced to going outside and walking through the countryside. Okay in the summer, but not too welcome (by mum) in the winter when it was dark - but I preferred walking in the dark.
Dad worked abroad from when I was 12, and when I was 15, mum went to live with him. They bought a house for me and my sister (then aged 19) to live in. So, I was free!! :-D
I moved out of the house after a year.

As we got older, my sister and I started talking about our childhood.
One day, when we were very tipsy, we started a game - 'how many times can you remember mum.......'
'giving you a cuddle?' Sister won - once to my zero!!
'putting you down?' etc etc

We agreed we wouldn't bring our children up the same way. I told my children from an early age, if they thought I was being unreasonable or just plain nasty, they had to tell me. If I didn't cuddle them enough - they just had to ask.
I think I succeeded - they say I was usually unbelievably tolerant - to the point that as adults, they told me they knew when (as children) they were annoying me (which they admit they did intentionally) as my eyes would shake - then they'd see how much further they could go!!

Despite not being very tactile, our children are, and our grandchildren even more so :-D
Sometimes I forget to give one of my (now grown up) daughters a cuddle - so they just grab me.

Oh to have something big like the Savile scandal hit the headlines to bring narcissism out in the open.

Wouldn't that be great?

This website has a list of the movies that feature NPD parents - mostly mothers. Of course the most famous one was the movie and book "Mommy Dearest" about the actress Joan Crawford who was a classic narcissistic mother.

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/movies-featuring-npd.html

guys... what can i say... interesting reading sounds weird to say... but interesting...
i googled narcissism and reading it my husband sorry ex husband seemed to be a bit like that so if i wasnt good enough according to him why did he marry me..... and then dumb me went out with another guy just like him... .....

To Sharron and everyone on here... STAND TALL,,,, LOOK AHEAD,,, AND YOU ARE ALL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM.......