General Chat

It’s been a tumultuous and scintillating year, sadly now drawing to a tearful and melancholy ending, drifting away into the purple hued sunset and thence to oblivion, to cyber heaven and the place where peace reigns and arguments are conducted in whispers. Yes, it’s my last ever post on this laughter filled eternally smiling website. Is that the sound of rapturous applause? No, I thought not.

Anyway, I would like to thank the good citizens of this domain for the thought provoking topics I have been privileged to view. My life would have been poorer for not realizing that there were so many makes of washing machine and the finer points of ironing tea-towels would have eluded me. My awareness of ailments and illnesses has been enriched by the in depth descriptions of dypso-menicostepticosis and the suffering brought on by rare forms of oral-dyspeptimitis has enhanced my reserves of polite dinner conversation topics.

Hitherto unaware of the concept of virtual hugs and positive thoughts, I now realise that the airwaves are positively vibrating with psychic emanations from all parts of the globe, providing an explanation as to why there is so much static when I listen to Wogan with my morning cup of herbal blend tea and slice of marmite covered slimcea crispbread.

Similarly, I am grateful for the warnings of 10 year old virus alerts and fortunately was prompted to buy a wagon load of virtual condoms to prevent infection from such keyboard transmitted nasties as the ‘Wonderful World’ virus and I now never accept E cards from anyone. In a similar vein, I’ve stopped giving lifts to men dressed as women carrying hatchets and cleavers who are hitchhiking on dark roads in the middle of nowhere at midnight. I don’t accept drinks from strangers in crowded city centre pubs and never answer the door to scantily clad buxom females trying to sell encyclopedias. (I may have got that last one from a film I once watched, however).

I now closely examine all my photos for orbs and other signs of ghostly manifestations, and when I hear noises in the night, I realise that it’s actually a disembodied spirit trying to take control of my body and scare the living beejasus out of me. As opposed to a fox howling outside my window. I sleep with the light on, as I am also now aware that ghosts are frightened by light and I’ll come to no harm with my 5watt energy saving Greenpeace approved nightlight.

After taking good advice, I took the plunge and visited a medium, but they cancelled the appointment due to unforeseen circumstances. Undaunted, I then went to a séance where my Great Aunt Ponderosa told me that my drains were blocked and that I should take care when crossing a busy road. What perception! Incontrovertible evidence of the afterlife, that’s what I say.

I shall miss the daily weather update from Mudford-cum-Pudworth. So useful in deciding what to wear for my daily stroll along the promenade. It saved me so much time by not having to look out of the window.

My favourites also included the evergreen topic of what people were having for Sunday lunch. A meticulously researched analysis of this topic revealed the surprising and probably hitherto unknown statistic that roast beef, Yorkshire pudding and three veg appear to be favourite. The learning curve continued on, to encompass the spiritual ministrations freely offered with gay abandon. I am indebted to know that I will never go to heaven and will have to face the wrath of the Big Man himself before being cast into the eternal fires of damnation. Oh well, better make the most of it before that happens, eh. Another holiday or two per year should do the trick, I think. Must play more cards and maybe gamble a little more as well. The education department has worked well for me. I can now converse with my Alpaca breeding pen pal in Tierra del Fuego in the common tongue of Patagonian reverse txt spk. Itz ded gud loike, innit.

Moving swiftly along, after impassioned pleas, I became vegetarian for a week. Well, by that I mean I only bought supermarket meat. Which, after all, isn’t real meat, is it. I mean, it isn’t real animal killed for human consumption, surely. It certainly didn’t taste that way and I slid back into the profligate ways of a carnivore with a sigh of relief. Tofu sausages, signed by Linda McCartney or not, taste like – well – something you would spread on a vegetable patch.

The long winter nights just flew over with the incisive Name a Fruit Beginning with the Last Letter of the Last Word games and other mind stimulating exercises. Who needs a brain trainer, eh! Not I!
Finally, my solicitor has just called me on his satellite phone, from his ocean going yacht somewhere in the Red Sea, en route to buy a new stud racehorse from Saudi. He begs me to stay on GR and sends his kindest felicitations. I presume he wants to maintain the lifestyle that my bills are providing him with. As my win on the Albanian lottery is nearly used up, I’ve had to tell him that I’m definitely leaving.

So, as I am on the last few minutes countdown and off to the Maldives tomorrow to judge a bikini competition, I bid you all farewell. It’s been emotional. I leave you with this last quote from my favourite film. A free weekend in Battersea to the first person to name the movie and the character.

‘She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?

Now Eldrick, stop being an " attention Seeker" by posting another leaving thread...... ;)

You know you want to stay and keep those of us with a sense of humour laughing and those without a SOH sticking pins into clay effigies, murmuring incantations in an effort to send you to a hell you don't believe in.

Stick around ? If not , all the best :))

Rose. xx

PS It WAS grossly unfair of you to put up a decent debate thread when I was on 'holiday' and couldn't reply on it... lol

Is this really the end?

*waves white hanky sadly*

Take care of yourself Eldrick. You'll be missed xx

Psycho...Norman Bates lol

btw very clever of you to know a holiday in battersea is perfect for me and my family tree

Bye Eldrick
Look forward to seeing you in the fires of damnation
Clouds and harps are not my thing
Will miss you
Good luck and take care
xx

Oh, I tore my string of pearls apart in total angst :-((

I have enjoyed your 'stories' so much. I have been reduced to tears with laughter whilst OH has eyed me with suspicion. It's no use trying to explain what had tickled me if the onlooker hasn't experienced the GR boards.

I really do hope to meet you if I can get my evil carcass that far North :-))

I am, of course, hoping that you will reappear *fingers crossed*.

Take care

Sue x

lmaoooooooooooooo bye big man see u soon very soon ;) xxx

Good luck Eldrick
You will be missed :o)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5uKa1bDtsk

I am another one that will miss your oh so amusing literary observations on here .
I wish you jolly good health and happiness .

I have often laughed out very loud at some some of the things you have written............thank you .

Amanda xx

\/\/\/\/\

What a man !!!----

Grumblweed I luv ya to bits,,,,,,,,,,,sees you soon........xx

Another farewell.??......from someone who has done it so many times he is almost GR's own Frank Sinatra...Lol...Bye for now...see you soon

Guess you dont quite get the irony thing, Col :-)

Good-bye Eldrick, Nobody does it quite like you (says goodbye I mean) and I really hope that I see you soon :))

Ya but we get mighty tearful when he says hes off ,,



!throws ladies a kleenex -large one..:}

must go !! plead and hopefully change his mind

Irony? darn I missed it too *re-reads {twice}*

Lats coz it's in English.

*splutters*