General Chat

My Dad, who has been in hospital for 6 months, passed away on Sunday......and I'm struggling.
Have managed to get through making the funeral arrangements for next Wednesday. I know I've got to keep it together, for my Mum's sake, but Lord, this is the hardest thing I've ever been through.

It's a very sad time to be going through, Karen and I feel for you. I found that talking about it helped me a lot and encouraging my Mum to talk about it too, helped both of us. Even when I was in another room, listening to her talk to others about it, the more I heard her going over it again, the more I began to believe it.

There will be tension until the funeral is over, then hopefully, you will both be able to relax more and appreciate that there is no more illness and he is at peace. Just be there for your Mum.

Dear Karen

May I offer you my deepest sympathy. I can relate to your grief.

It has been over 21 years since I lost my dad. Never a day goes by without my thinking of him.

Although I do feel sadness at times, mostly I feel proud of him. He served all throught the Second War and I have a lovely photo of him when he was in Bombay in 1945.

He seems just as close now as when he was alive. This wasn't so in the dark days just after he died, but Karen, your initial pain will ease and you will be able to think of your dad without crying but with joy.

I'm so sorry for your loss Karen

You do have the strength, but it doesnt feel like it at the moment as you are deep in grief, and everything is being swept along on auto pilot.

Take one day at a time, at the moment you are still keeping going with the funeral to get past. Once that is over, and the initial feeling of nothing else can be done, sorted, etc, each day further into a world of normality & routine, albeit somewhat different your feelings will get easier to live with as each day passes

x

I'm also sorry to hear your news Karen: it's a bewildering time, isn't it?

All I would suggest is that you talk to Mum and everyone else about your Dad often - it's easy to think that if you dont talk about him, then the bereavement will be easier to bear: it wont be. He's still part of your lives even though he's not physically with you any longer, and as time goes on you'll find comfort in remembering the lovely times you had (and the distressing times will hopefully diminish).

I shall be thinking of you and your Mum.

Best wishes

Jac xxx

Karen my heart goes out to you, my sympathies to your family.

I agree with Jac about talking about him, talk about the good times aswell as times that he irked you all with any funny little ways he had.
I have a head photo of my Dad which sits behind me and I talk to him. When he 1st died I used to take it to a quiet corner and shout at him for dying on me, I would cry to him and tell him my fears. 3yrs down the line I still talk to him, and I still talk about him.

Hi Karen

So sorry about your dads death ...

But why do you feel you have to keep it together ....I do understand your mum needs your support but you are hurting to an dprehaps if she knows this you would be able to get through this to gether with both the sadness and the happiness of this death...........I know its not happy now ..but it will come the times when you had great fun with him.....

My dad died 10 years ago next week and we had the very same problems and only when we started to talk together did we get past the deep dispair of what had happened

Take care hun and we are thinking about you

Karen,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, may I offer you and your Mother my deepest sympathies.

As everyone has said before allow yourself time to go through this grieving process, I know when people say it will get better it does not seem that way now, but in time you will be able to think of your Dad without the pain you feel now, you will be able to remember the good times and they will bring a smile to you face not a tear,

I read this poem years ago and it may help you when you have had time to grieve.



He is Gone (Remember Me)

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

So many kind words from you all.......and all of them very much appreciated.
Thank you.

K x

Karen,I am so sorry for your great loss. These words were sent to me by a lovely GR member and they helped me in my own sadness ..... Say not in grief ' he is no more', but live in thankfulness that he Was. XXXBC

Awww Karen, I am sorry to hear of your loss......... you will find the strength to get through it hun (((hugs))) xxx

Have to go out now to see the Vicar, caterers etc etc....will look back later.

Thanks again for your support.....GR members come to the rescue again, without fail.
Where would we be without each other??!!

K

oh Karen its such a sad time but you will get through. Your dads at peace now and you just need to plough on without worrying about how and give your dad a good send off and hold your mums hand. Bless you, you will come through

Oh Karen (((hug)))

My deepest condolences to both you, your mother and family.

It is so 'hard' right now, the pain will be raw ... let the tears flow for they are tears of love. I lost my daddy in January; the hurt doesn't stop yet happy memories come forward.

Take care, in my thoughts and prayers

xxx Shimms xxx

Karen my heart goes out to you but I know you'll find the strength to get through the next week.

Sue xxxx

I am so sorry about your dad's death, it is four years since my dad died and I had to go through the same thing

It is only three and a half weeks since my mum died,so things are still extremely raw for me as well. This time, I have to wind all the estate up and have had to put her house on the market,so I have not had a moment to grieve. I spend all my days doing battle with the seemingly uncaring and incompetent banks, insurance companies and a myriad of council and tax departments.

I just want to crawl into a corner and cry for the mum who I spent so much time supporting, but I can't, all the practical things need dealing with

Don't try and bottle it up, jif you need to cry,do so and you will get through it.

Linda

Karen.

My thoughts are with you and your mum...
I feel your pain....

xxxx

Karen my thoughts are with you and yours, I lost my Dad in 1981he was 60.

It does get easier although it will take time, the first of everything without him was the hardest birthdays, Christmas etc. but it will get better.

Frances

Karen,

I am so very sorry to hear of the death of your Dad. My heart goes out to you and your Mom.

It's been nine years since my Dad's passing and it still feels like yesterday. Unfortunately, I could not get a flight home in time for his funeral. There is no grave to visit and I have always felt so sad that we never got to say goodbye.

Everyone has given you good sound advice and all I can add is that you will find the strength to get through this.

((( Hugs )))

Lindy xx

I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss.

My thoughts are with you and your family. xx