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adoptees
Profile | Posted by | Options | Post Date |
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John | Report | 21 Jan 2010 20:22 |
As I mentioned in my earlier post my sister was also adopted and shortly after I obtained my adoption pack she decided to do the same. At the time she knew nothing of her birth family and to cut a long story short her BM was raped. Obviously my sister was shaken by this and has come to deal with it. At least she knows that her mother could but did not go for the abortion option and for that we respect her tremendously. |
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Sue (Sylvia Z ) | Report | 21 Jan 2010 18:27 |
I can see this from both sides, it's like treading on eggshells. |
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Jane | Report | 21 Jan 2010 18:14 |
This is obviously a very emotive subject for a lot of people.For me I only decided to do something about looking when both of my (adoptive) parents had passed away.They would have not understood why I had the need to know where I came from.I was very lucky and had a wonderful childhood and I never had a desperate need to 'know'.It was more curiosity. |
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Rambling | Report | 21 Jan 2010 17:59 |
I am not adopted nor have experience of it as such...but I do know about the fear of 'opening a can of worms' when a very close relative ( half sibling) decided to get in touch nearly 50 years down the line...even if ,as in this case , they were known of, it is still a hugely risky thing to do and can upset people greatly . But I really believe it is the best thing to do, whatever the outcome. You can't live a life saying "if only I had done that sooner" |
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Researching: |
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Uggers | Report | 21 Jan 2010 17:50 |
John, I agree with Dawnie and PSD - life is short and you'll never know if you never try. |
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Penny | Report | 21 Jan 2010 17:41 |
Her reaction when my uncle spilled the beans was horrifying |
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Dawnieher3headaches | Report | 21 Jan 2010 17:32 |
John |
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Researching: |
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Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond | Report | 21 Jan 2010 05:07 |
John, I have no experience with adoption in my own family, as far as I know, but do think you should make tentative enquiries. It would be sad if this lady is your BM and you leave things too late, or if it says she has already died, that you leave things too late to make contact with siblings. If your health is precarious too, it makes it more important to do things soon, but I know the decision must be a hard one for you and can only wish you the best of luck, which ever route you take. |
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Jane | Report | 20 Jan 2010 17:37 |
My sister had Social Services and they were brilliant.Sadly my sister decided not to take it any further because of the circumstances of her conception.She did not want to upset her BM. |
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John | Report | 20 Jan 2010 17:17 |
I did the social services interview and got my adoption file some time back. |
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Jane | Report | 20 Jan 2010 17:13 |
PS In Scotland you don't need to have SS.I did everything myself. |
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Jane | Report | 20 Jan 2010 17:11 |
I was looking for my Birth Mother here and just happened to see someone on Trying to Find who was looking for some cousins.I noticed she was in the same city that I was born .I emailed her to say I was looking for information on a lady called such and such who lived at a certain address in 1954.She emailed me back to say she had ,had an Aunty of that name who lived at said address,but she had passed away several years before.I felt then I was able to explain who I was.It turned out she was in fact my cousin ,and she then told me that I was in fact 1 of 8 children.Several had passed away but she was in touch with one of my brothers.After a few weeks she had done some checking and knew for sure I was who I said.My biggest worry was that I would upset someone ,as I would have been quite prepared to leave it.But it was fine I am now in touch with 2 brothers and the cousin.There is a sister who doesn't want to know about any of the family and another brother who they don't speak to and haven't told him about me.I don't know where he is and don't think he would want to know me.I was just pleased that I found out a little of my roots. |
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Uggers | Report | 20 Jan 2010 17:11 |
catchthecat, an adoptee has to go through Social Services to get their adoption file but it's entirely up to them whether they use SS to trace and contact a birth parent. |
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John | Report | 20 Jan 2010 16:47 |
There are two two sides to an adoptee searching for birth parents and as a I only joined GR yesterday and this is my first post I really should be careful what I post but IMHO both sides of the argument are right. |
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MarionfromScotland | Report | 20 Jan 2010 14:20 |
I really feel for anyone in that situation. But there is always a reason behind it. |
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Uggers | Report | 20 Jan 2010 13:46 |
Very well put, Ann. I think most adoptees who try to trace birth relatives are pretty sensitive how they go about things but, as you say, they've not made the situation and they're not responsible for what biological parents do or don't tell their families. |
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Susan | Report | 20 Jan 2010 13:44 |
Ann |
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Annx | Report | 20 Jan 2010 13:30 |
I can see both sides of this, but I keep coming back to this fact. The parents have created the need for the child to find its parents, however inconvenient and embarrassing, by having it adopted. |
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Researching: |
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Uggers | Report | 20 Jan 2010 13:26 |
I understand what you're saying Julia, but if an adoptee wants to connect with a biological relative using this site putting a birth parent on your tree is the most straightforward way of doing it. |
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Susan | Report | 20 Jan 2010 12:37 |
Hi Julia May, |