General Chat

Thankyou Liz for you kind words. This site really has got me through the tough times.Its like a big family supporting each other. In some ways it beats our own families as they are always quick to judge and on here no one does.They offer support and advice which at times is something I value a lot.

Thankyou Sylvia. It will be good to move on eventually and start afresh.
Im always up for a challenge and embrace adventures and my life so far has been both!

Will keep you posted and when divorce is over we shall have a "party" on here.

Florence in the hebrides <3

So glad to hear that things are getting sorted out.

Good luck for the future.

I am glad things are getting sorted out, Florence, although it's disgraceful that you lose out so much financially. I hope your future plans go well and you can find the peace and security you need to stay well and be happy. You certainly deserve it and I hope your family will support you well. You know you have plenty of I've and support here.
Onwards and upwards

Lizxx

Thankyou Bob.
I said this year would be the year of tying up all the loose ends.
So got my health sorted, next finalise the divorce and then? make some decisions about my future.

Yes 2021 will be the one for......have to wait & see

Florence in the hebrides

Good luck Florence, and enjoy your freedom.

Well at long last my ex has agreed to a settlement. Well I say hes agreed.His lawyer sent a letter offering me a sum of money and he keeps the house....
However my lawyer upped the amount and hes agreed with this.So all good but.....yes you heard right, he gets to keep the house so I have to agree to sign it over to him.

Yes he got half of my 2 pensions in the end and nothing I can do about it.
But its been nearly 3 years and just this week, the deeds are now being amended, he has a re mortgage which is all in place.
So hopefully within a month that will be sorted and then the divorce can happen say...another 8 weeks.
I could be a free woman by jul/Aug.
But the money I will get will not buy me another property or allow me to put down a deposit on one. Im 59 this year so couldn't take out a mortgage and im only on part time hours in my contract.

So I shall have to think very carefully about my next steps. I will not stay here but will remain in Scotland just not sure where.

But for now at least im heading in the right direction.

Florence in the hebrides

I am so sad at your predicament, pensions and the law regarding ex partners (married or not) is an absolute minefield.

Without divulging too much personal info a late close rellie's ex wife claimed against his private pensions - the provision for a percentage which could be assigned to surviving spouse/dependents. She lost!!! Her personal fortune runs into some £millions so not exactly as if she needed it.

The laws need reviewing because not only are there too many malicious claims, many contributors simply do not know their hard earned investments/pensions can be 'stolen' by parties who should no longer have any financial claim against them.

I really hope you can get your life back on track.

Sue x

Florence61, I am not offended at all but I have friends and family in same sex marriages and just wondered, thank you for the clarification and I hope you get on good with your divorce. X.

Zzzzzzz it will be the same because its the person you are married to whether same sex or other.
Sorry I was stating it from my own relationship, didn't mean to cause offence to anyone in a same sex marriage...

When you are married, everything becomes matrimonial property, that includes property, bank accounts, pensions and any other investments you have.

Thankfully as my parents are still alive, what they have willed me doesn't come into it unless i died before them ,then that could be a problem if I haven't made a will, which I have now.

if I hadn't made a will and I died, then until i'm divorced, technically he is my next of kin but I sorted that one recently before I went into hospital incase anything happened.

Florence in the hebrides

Pardon my ignorance but what happens with a same sex marriage, where it is wife and wife or husband and husband?

Update re pension!
After many months since I last posted, Im still no further to being divorced.
Unfortunately my lawyer came to see me a few weeks ago to deliver the bad news that my ex is entitled under a new law to half my 2 pensions!!!
So after doing the sums etc, the offer is that he either gives me 20k and I sign the house over to him or he has to sell the house and give me 20k.

Either way that's all I get for the last 27 years. After taking off my lawyers fees of nearly 8k I shall be left with 12k.
I will never be able to buy another property and so renting for the rest of my life is daunting. my rent is at present is £550 a month plus c tx and bills. I shall be retired in a few years so not sure what would happen then without much income.

His solicitor has been dragging this out for the last 2 1/2 years so no wonder im not well.

He is really just laughing at me as he said to his mother, ill make sure she ends up with nothing!

He wont and cant move on, he still asks daughter when I will be in town so he wont see me!! However as I cant drive im rarely out of the house.

So anyone else in my position or thinking of divorce, just remember if you have pensions and ur hubby doesn't, he will def get half of yours.

The law is a disgrace grrr

Florence in the hebrides

Many a true word spoken in jest..... and repent at suppertime

There was absolutely no way that I was going to allow my ex a half share of future income or pension. After the best part of a year living on air and a teacher's pay she was more than happy to take a one off lump sum payment. I made arrangements for the kids via a time limited trust.

Yep she went for it. Now, 25 years later, I can see what a great deal it was though it left me very short of readies at the time and a founder member of the sofa surfers..

What is it they say ? Marry in haste ....

Aw thanks sue :-D :-D :-D

The lawyer has ordered him to sell. Both children over 18 so they don't actually come into the equation.
Son is working but chooses to stay there but he could afford to rent somewhere himself, or he could come and share my rented house..

I hate being in limbo but it wont be forever...summer is a good time for people buying up here so fingers crossed.

Florence
in the hebrides :-)

That’s good news, Florence.

Shame about the house but if your children are still living at the matrimonial home (or are using it as their home address) the courts may not pressure him to sell at this stage.

Florence,so good to hear he can't get his little mitts on your pension. :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D



And I hope it won't be long before the house is sold and you get every penny that you need.

Good Luck in your New life and live it to the fullest after everything is sorted.

You certainly deserve your happiness. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


Massive hugs

Just thought I would share some good news re my pension!
Apparently my ex is not entitled to a penny as it was a non contributory pension I had long before I married and then it was frozen.

Lawyer has now confirmed it cannot be considered as matrimonial property.

Unfortunately though, I am still in limbo as he refused to sell and now it has gone to court.There is a timetable to stick to so heres hoping he will now come to his senses and let the house sell.

At least now I will walk away with some money to help me start fresh elsewhere.
it will still take months though but will be worth it in the end.

Daughter has got her first job and went away today.Its seasonal until end of October but glad she is away from everything.

Florence
in the hebrides :-) :-)

Thankyou Liz and Ann for your kind wishes.

I will be so glad to get back into the "real world" eventually once all is settled. Since I moved in Aug, Ive not had one visitor except for my daughter who flits back and forth. Son says ive wrecked his life! Another story for another day!

Small communities will always stick by their own even if they have done wrong and I'm finding that out but it shows where my real friends are!

At least this xmas, there will be no grumbles about xmas tree and decorations etc(he hated it), I get to have a drink instead of being taxi driver for mil and can watch every soap I want on tv..so there are plenty of positives to being on my own this year....

Glad Ann it all worked out for you

Florence
in the hebrides

:-) :-) :-) :-)

Good for you Florence! It will be well worth it to be completely free. I was in a similar position in the 90s with my first OH. I had a pension, but his attitude was 'I could be dead by then' so didn't think he should bother. Then he took out a very small pension (no discussion about it) that left me with nothing if he died, whereas he would inherit some of mine if I died and also get a lump sum. Then came the rumours about pension splitting on divorce, so I got things moving quickly and divorced him before any changes came in. :-) We were already separated by then, but there were always concerns hanging over me till we were divorced. The clouds all lifted then. I wish you all the best for the future. :-)

Congratulations on making such a brave move, Florence. I hope you can get this pension problem sorted out soon and will continue to enjoy your freedom and peace of mind.

Lizxx