General Chat

I've just read through all the replies on here, and am not surprised to see just how many people there are, where instant love didn't happen. Hope it gives some comfort to anyone who reads it and felt guilty thinking it was just them who felt this way.

Absolutely! The most amazing experiences of my life!!

lynda i would have to say it was love at first sight .didn't really see my daughter properly till the next day as i was so drugged up but she was an angel..still love her today as i did thenxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx((((:

instantly it must be so hard for these mums who have to wait for it to grow, they must be just so tired and have been through a difficult time, my first was so quick to get into this world she didnt keep me waiting, my beautiful blonde blue eyed girl , looking up from her cot as she met nana and grandad , my second took his time and really made me work hard for him, gorgeous with brown hair , blue eyes, and a little cutie, though a bit afraid with him as he was earlier and a bit tinyer than his sister, though couldnt resist cwtching them both lots

As with others very difficult with 1st baby, 26 hour labour with face presenting 9lb 8 oz baby, When I awoke from the general anaesthetic I felt cheated, The others were all planned sections and I bonded more easily as I breast fed them all for a long while, I did have PNd after 2 though, Caz xxxxxxxx

With my first child everyone assumed I was having a girl, and when it turned out to be a boy, it was a real shock. I can remember thinking, 'that's not my baby'. Added to that, my lovely MIL had lung cancer and died soon after, and I suffered from post natal depression. I think it took me a while to bond with him because there was such a lot going on. With my daughter it was instant because at the time she was born, my life was so much simpler, although when pregnant with her, I can remember worrying that I wouldn't love my baby, as much as I did my son. Have to say that I couldnt love them anymore than I do, even though they are both very different Sharon xx

With my first daughter it instant love with my second it took time. she was 9 weeks prem many complications. I think it was cause I was unable to hold her and the fact that for 4 weeks it was very touch and go I was scared to love her. but now I love them just the same

Liz no i gave birth to all three of my boys normally, really found it hard to bond with all three. When i ahd my daughter (eldest) I bonded instantly. So when i had the twins, which i suppose was a traumatic birth cos it was five wks early, and they had to be whisked away to SCBU, was also a scare over one of them.nBut third son was normal birth on time with no problems, i just simply couldnt bond with him. It was made worse by the fact i knew i could as I had with daughter.

I had a normal delivery with son but he was taken to special care after a few hours due to being jittery. I fell in love with him the following morning when I went into the Special Care Unit and saw him lying there crying on his own. I had a relatively easy delivery with daughter but although she had been planned and wanted I went quite cold when I saw her in her crib after the birth. I just wanted to go home to my boy. It must have been 3 months before I really bonded with her. Am I the only one who delivered 'normally' but didn't feel anything at first????? Liz

Our 3 were very much wanted children but I didn't feel the surge of mother love that I was hoping for, when the first one was born. After a long labour and difficult breech delivery I was just so tired and as my son had a low Apgar score, he was whisked away, although thankfully my husband did ask the staff to show me the baby first and I had a quick glimpse. Babies were kept in a nursery and only brought out to be fed, but our son and I were soon able to bond. Gwyn

Fiona Felt very similar to you. My twin daughters were born at 10 30 p.m. and didnt see them till 4pm the following day. Looked at them and thought where did they come from could be anyones. In fact on the fifth day I thought ,oh good that baby has put on some weight, then when I picked her up saw a blue tag and realised I had the wrong baby. My husband saw them straight away and had that instant bond, it took me a little longer.

I had a ver difficult first birth (face presentation, i.e. forceps) and she was kept in the nursery for 3 days, just brought to me for feeding. Took a fair while for me to bond with her; but my second daughter and son - no problem - instant bond.

I was in labour 2hrs with the first and 4 1/2 minutes with second daughter. I don't hang about! Hubby was there on both occasions and we were instantly smitten. Turned into beautiful adults in both looks and temperament. Now got two beautiful grandchildren so far, boy and girl. Myself and other gran were there when g/son was born but got banned to walk the corridor when g/daughter arrived but were allowed in 10 minutes later. Daughter said she couldn't get a look in with pair of us, the first time round. Our children have brought much joy to us and our grandchildren are the icing on the cake. Aileen xx

No. I had a very diffficult birth with my first child. She was taken from me as soon as she was born and placed in the hospital intensive care unit .. I did not see her for 3 days until the pediatrician from Great Ormond Street had given her the once over. My husband and mother were allowed to visit her but I was not well enough. It took a long, long time for me to bond but thankfully I got there in the end. It was years before I could admit that for the first 3 months of her life I felt nothing for her and thought I was a failure. Of course now that would never happen. They realise how important that first bonding is and we would not be kept apart. My second daughter was born at home 5 years later and the bonding was instant. Jean x.

hello i to had a emergency C-Section baby came 6weeks early and i had no love there at all ,it took a lot of talking with an outsider to get my head around things ,she is 4 now and although a pain in the bum i wouldnt change her

I loved both my children to bits as soon as I saw them. However, when I had my daughter there was a case in the ward of total rejection. The mother had two boys and this time set her heart on a little girl. She had a normal, trouble free birth, but to a little boy, and she did not want anything to do with him at all. Wouldn't look at him, wouldn't change him, or feed him. She was left in the ward with us for the first three days in the hope that she would come round, but she would not touch the baby, although she would cheerfully coo at all the other babies on the ward, boys or girls. In the end, the ward Sister, a strick old bat, this was an RAF hospital, dumped the baby on her lap and hollered at her that this was HER baby and he didn't ask to be born a boy, its not his fault and he needs his mum. Mum eventually glanced down at her son and began to cry, then cuddled him all night. She never looked back from that moment.

can I just also add, I can understand why a mother cannot bond straighaway with a child. Esp if they have had a diffucult time I had a difficult labour with my first 19hrs, then my mother died 2 days after she was born, that was very traumatic, but I think it made me love my daughter more really. catherine xx

Rebekah, I did feel a bit guilty but that was because everyone was telling he how wonderful it would be and as soon as I saw the baby I would just love it so much. So it wasn't quite what I expected and with it being my first I thought there must be something wrong with me. Lucky for me I had a really nice health visitor that I could talk too no problem at all, told her how I had felt and she said it was quite normal and a lot of mother who have emergency c-sections feel the same way. At the time that helped no end and I didn't feel as bad a mother as I did at the start. Fiona.x

You're so right Rebekah it's a taboo subject, and a lot of people assume that everyone loves there child at first sight. If you've had a traumatic birth it can affect the way you feel. I think it's good to see all views so that those don't instantly love there babies don't feel like they are the only ones not to.

instantly. Without question. catherine xx