General Chat

Then there is the question..... Most of the historic family secrets I have uncovered have been, by today's standards, pathetic. Illegitimate births, 'premature' babies, a first wife who ran off and was never mentioned. And something which caused a four generation rift in my family turned out to be nothing more than a messy divorce at the turn of the century. These were deeply guarded secrets at the time - they certainly aren't secrets now! So - our secrets today, that we guard so carefully, could be seen by future generations as not even worthy of being called a secret. I have no secrets to take to the grave with me - except, of course, my true age, lol. OC

Hi I thought about the same thing yesterday. Ive been researching my family tree on and off for 20 years. I was in my teens when i started and there are still things that i wish to know now ,as well as wanting to know them when i was in my teens. Anything that ive been told or given to me, i still hold close to my heart. Ive been told things about family members and then ive had to look at them in the face and act like i know nothing. However if the shoe was on the other foot i would want to know even if it was to do with me . Even if it was the worst thing on earth i would want to know. I would not make the situation turn into world war 3 but i would have to find the facts out. You do have to be careful what you say and how you say things as well as who you say them to! People do trust me and i think that is why i hold so many secrets but some secrets are best kept. I thought i would write a book/diary/notes on my life and my research. Included in this would be these family issuses that i know . On the understanding that i only would give it to a person i know and would trust that they would use it for the family research. Or when i died it would be passed on to someone who would take great care of it and keep it in safe hands. ( i will state this wish at the front of the book as well as informing them of the delicate content) At the end of the day most of us are interested in Genealogy because its our history ,our life, its where we come from .The past can not be changed no matter how much we try and hide it. If my ancestor was Jack the riper, what a secret that would be, It would be something i hated but i could not change a thing. Its a fact that most secrets are known by more that one person and in the end it comes out. My family members have held secrets for many years on the understanding that they would not be told to anyone. They then in turn have told me, so i will do the same! Sarah

I am leaving all family details for my kids but i had some one close to me who probably will take hers if she has not done already and this i will never forgive for . Junex

Most definitely......and those of others......if I'm told a secret, that's how it remains......with me and no-one else......

Our family don't have any secrets - at least as far as I know. However, my Dad remarried, but the peron he married has caused a lot of trouble. Even in his account of his family history he records my Mum's death, but no mention of his 2nd marriage. So if later anyone checks the 1991 census, they will get a shck at a previously unknown memeber of the family, but will be left to draw their own conclusions Anne

I too am an open book. Trouble is I know other peoples secrets. Those I will take to the grave. Wish I knew my gg aunts secret though !!. How did she go from a match works apperative in 1901 to owning 3 properties when she died in 1956?. Canny business woman or dare I say it - loose woman?. Wish I knew !! Libby

Good for her I say Libby!!!

I know a secret that o.h.'s ex wife and his two boys have no idea about, I think the sons should know, but don't think he will ever tell them. I think I would tell them if anything happened to him but not sure. Me, I am an open book! Liz

Yes I think I will keep some of my secrets as it wouldnt do any good to pass them on or tell them. They are mine, and nobody's business but mine! lol.

Well!!!! I once asked my mum if she could keep a secret..She replied she had a secret and would take it to the grave...Ever since my sis and i have tried to guess it..Mum laughs for a while then seems to get upset whenever she thinks about it.. Am dying to know what it is and told mum she better spill before she goes... I do have one secret though, that wracks me with guilt whenever i think about it..I would love to tell my family, but never will..I will die with it on my concience.. LOU XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I think it comes down to personal choice. I think my mum made the right choice in taking hers with her. I think it could have caused upset for a lot of people if it came out. xx

I do have one secret, that I shared with my Step Mum Pat. She took that secret with her to the grave last month, and I definately have no reason to tell anyone else ... so yes, it will be going to the grave with me. Best place for it as well..... Elaine ;-)

Hi Dee, Hopefully all my secrets will be out in the open well before I die. I have been a family secret for 35+ years and have just made contact with my dads' family. Thankfully aunts and cousins (uncles have passed on) have welcomed me with open arms. I have two half siblings I have yet to contact (family are tracking them down) who have had pretty bad lives. It really upsets me that we were not given the opportunity to grow up together especially when from what i am told we went through the same things and could have supported each other. I have found 3 siblings to my ggreat nanna on mums side in england who seam to have disappeared ( no death cert. or anything after 1901). I wonder if they were ever aware of our family if they did survive and wonder why they didn't grow up with their mum and dad. I would rather suffer a bit of embarassment then have my family wonder why for years to come. then again I am always a bit (lot) of embarassment lol Louisa x

A very interesting thread, Dee, thank you:-) My simple answer is Yes, I believe I will, but will leave enough information around to satisfy any eager beaver trying to dig up some family records. In other words, I shall leave a heavily censored version behind me! BC XX

Yes, things done in the past are best left in the past, you can't change the past its best to take care of the future. Shirley Ann.

Oh Lin so sorry for the upset and your loss - yes I quite understand that some secrets are best laid to rest, although the secret in my family was both of joy and sadness. After my fathers death I found I had a half brother who I never knew about. It was great finding him, but unfortunately we never clicked as family, and the last time I saw of him was ten years ago which has left sadness in my heart. Lu

This is so hard for me to reply to but feel that I have to,my Mum & Dad had a big secret that they obviously wanted to take to there grave with them. My Dad hinted about it 6 weeks before he died but never told the story in full it left me wondering but he was so ill I put it behind me. 6 months before mum died Uncle related a story to me that sort of tied up with what dad said so I had to ask mum she said it wasnt true but never taken the issue up with her brother my uncle if you see what I mean. Mum went downhill fast after I asked her and she must have stopped taking some of her medication I felt so guilty she only lived 6 months after although she was 86 . Really wished my uncle had kept what he knew to himelf as now we cant prove anything, for a year after she died I was really upset about it and I wished I had never asked her Take Care Linda

Have you ever looked on hollywoodforever.com. There was a docu on Sky not long ago where people reserve their plots and have a video made of their life story plus photographs so that people can go online and see their relatives before their very eyes - very hollywoodish. Lu

Dee Yes a hell of a lot

my grandfather certainly took a few secrets to his grave. I know there is a letter still in existence that he wrote to my mums half sisters telling them that my mum had moved on and not to contact him again. My mum didnt even know she had half sisiters and brothers!!!! I have been promised a look at the letter but so far have not seen it.