Top tip - using the Genes Reunited community

Welcome to the Genes Reunited community boards!

  • The Genes Reunited community is made up of millions of people with similar interests. Discover your family history and make life long friends along the way.
  • You will find a close knit but welcoming group of keen genealogists all prepared to offer advice and help to new members.
  • And it's not all serious business. The boards are often a place to relax and be entertained by all kinds of subjects.
  • The Genes community will go out of their way to help you, so don’t be shy about asking for help.

Quick Search

Single word search


  • New posts
  • No new posts
  • Thread closed
  • Stickied, new posts
  • Stickied, no new posts

CMT: Living relatives board

Page 3 + 1 of 4

  1. «
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3
  5. 4
ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


JaneyCanuck Report 13 May 2011 02:15

Gregory, your eloquence is impressive, as I'm sure it was meant to be.

Some people don't type as fluently as thee and me, or with as much comfort. Their posts may appear terse. There may be reasons.

We "helpers" here have grown very accustomed to being told we must take the potential idiosyncracies and personal problems of people asking for help into account -- ranging from just not having the time to answer one's replies because one has to feed the kids, the instant after one decided to ask a bunch of strangers for their time, to having an elderly disabled parent requiring round-the-clock attention. Some of these are more worthy of consideration than others.

I've always thought it would be wise for those asking for help to remember that the people responding are as likely to have difficulties of their own, and even that spending time helping on these boards may provide a welcome respite from them for some.

It's not so welcome when one has one's time wasted and is, er, castigated. And there's really only one person I see here doing any castigating, all unprompted.

What did prompt this, anyhow? I'm gathering it was maybe a private message meant to be helpful. Well, help offered can be rejected, I guess.


JaneyCanuck Report 13 May 2011 02:22

btw, Gregory, you may (appear to) have completely misinterpreted jax's statement: "Sending private messages not knowing what anyone else has found is a waste of time for all concerned."

She was referring to posts on the Living Relatives board, which is the subject at hand.

With no replies visible in a thread, no one reading has any idea what information, if any, has already been sent to a poster by private message.

Anyone else undertaking to do searches and send the results by private message may be duplicating everything already done by someone else -- which makes the undertaking a waste of time.

This is the main complaint about the Living Relatives board. It is a waste of time to post there, in virtually all cases, because

(a) no one who is actually related to the subject individuals will ever see the post on this little corner of the internet; and
(and even if someone came looking, there is no reasonable search facility for finding a message -- people could be posting what amount to mutual looking-for messages and never know it)

(b) the other, unrelated, users of the site with vast experience in finding people, whether living or otherwise, are simply not going to put time and effort into helping with the searches posted.

Perhaps that will clarify.


SylviaInCanada Report 13 May 2011 03:27


sorry, I do not see anything "bordering in rudeness" in Jax's posts

blunt and to the point, yes, but not rude.

I think the advice you have been given in the last few posts is spot on ...... and ti is given by some of the people who provide the help on this site, and have done so for many years.

What these helpers don't know about how to search for ancestors and descendents would not fill the top of a pinhead, to coin a phrase.

We can't help it if GR decides to call boards by titles that are more misleading than they should be.

It seems apparent that what they intended was that the Find Living board was intended as that literally ........... finding children who had been adopted, children finding parents who had given them up or walked away, possibly cousins who had lost touch.

It is proving counter-productive.



Gregory Report 13 May 2011 04:03

Thanks for your messages.

Janey, I feel suitably humbled. Your reply has put into context what I wish I had known all along. You have explained the frustrations of one and all with your message. Now I am starting to understand the weaknesses in the way this board works. It maybe also puts the original post by Jax into context.

I don't expect much - I am truly awed by the genealogy research skills you all possess and the help you can all provide. I am sure Jax never meant to be rude - not if you read my post I said that she was - perhaps you are right - terse might reflect what you have said about about everyone having other things going on in their lives - other things are far more important.


Many thanks for your post. It reaffirms what Janey has said. It appears GR needs to address your concerns and listen to what you have to say. I hope they are listening .....

If all Jax was trying to say was that the message board doesn't work, as you have demonstrated between you both, then I apologise to Jax for mis-interpreting her post.

I have always tried to be pleasant and measured in any contact I make and fully understand that if we are all to get something from a site like GR, then we must all muck in together.

You all seem to be frustrated with this board - is there anything mere mortals and members like myself do to improve the situation, apart from jumping off a cliff as I imagine one or two of you might be thinking?


SylviaInCanada Report 13 May 2011 05:38

Hi Gregory

Thank you for your psot.

To answer you last question:-


Ignore the Find Living people board, and post on Find Ancestors!

then you will get all the help we helpers can give you.

and you will find how we often work in concert, with 2 or 3 or more people all working together ............. which is why we all dislike the new Living board, because we cannot do that joint work

see you on Find Ancestors!



Ela Report 13 May 2011 09:00

We all like a good challenge, and the searching keeps are brain cells active :-) :-)
I have stopped trying to help on Living relli site, because you do not get a clue what is happening, it would help if in a box it said how many different people had contacted the person asking the question, and if that person had replied to any of them.

had my moan, off to do some work :-)on another board, that does'nt feel like a waste of time.



jax Report 13 May 2011 16:07

Glad you think the same Ela

I had one yesterday that was looking for some living people I replied saying one of them could be found on living relatives on ancestry but she would have to pay to see the address.

I got a reply saying "How did you find that"

So explained and also gave details about

Did I get any Thanks.....No



Jonesey Report 13 May 2011 17:36

As has been said by many the Find Living Relatives board configured as it is has many obvious shortcomings.

I note that as of now there are 256 posts that have been made on it so far during the month of May. Out of those posts only 7 show the green tick indicating the the poster has either received the information/help that they were seeking or have in some other way have been satisfied by a response that they have received. Of course it could also indicate that the other 249 posters are either as yet unsatisfied or perhaps did not know how to or could not be bothered to acknowledge any help that they may have received.

Whilst believing that precautions are very necessary to protect the privacy of the living it certainly does not inspire anyone to offer any assistance without first knowing whether they may be duplicating what information others may have already provided. It can also be discouraging not knowing whether any information which has been provided has been of any use.

I would urge GR to reconsider the workings of the LRB and for them to try to revise it incorporating some structure that will address both the privacy of the living and allowing potential willing helpers a method of identifying what information may have already been given by others.

It might also be an idea to emphasise to original posters the importance of indicating that the information/help that they have received has indeed been of some use.


JaneyCanuck Report 13 May 2011 17:38

There's really a quick and easy answer, isn't there:

A single board, with a moderator.