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Right , question ! What do you think?
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:42 |
My son's father has never been in touch with son |
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StrayKitten | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:47 |
i think if im honest and its been that long id leave well alone till your son asks for him to be invlved |
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Cassidy | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:52 |
Hi,It can be difficult to comment,as it's not known why you would want to make contact...after 14 year's. |
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:54 |
Thanks Stray, I suppose there is also the thought in the back of my mind, that having no grandparents on my side, time is running out for him to know grandparents on that side.... lol see what spending time on family tree does for you. makes you aware that you might have liked to know the people you never met ( I only met my maternal grandmother) ! |
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ButtercupFields | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:58 |
I asked my son many times over the years, if he wanted to be in touch with his father and his answer was always an unswerving no thanks and a puzzled look saying...'now why does she think I would want that'...lol..which is just as well as, so far, I have'nt been able to find his whereabouts...and he knows where I live:-) |
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Karen in the desert | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:58 |
I think you should try to make contact, but perhaps without telling your son for the moment, just in case it goes all wrong. |
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 14:58 |
Hi Cassidy, it was never my choice not to have contact , in a way I think you have that feeling as a single mum that maybe a 'father ' figure is more important when a boy hits his teens? |
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:05 |
Thanks BC and Karen :) |
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Silly Sausage | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:08 |
My question for you Rose is, who would be more hurt if he declines, your son or you? I think you know it would be you, I agree with Stray, wait till son asks, because either way you will always beat yourself up over this and I know from my own experience. I have read on this very board someone in the past who was at a word forcing her ex to have contact with his children, I did agree with her point they are his children and he has a moral duty to take his share of his responsibility mentally and financially but the guy just didn’t want to know and she wouldn’t take no for an answer, in my opinion this was more damaging for children than no contact at all. |
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Cassidy | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:11 |
Hi RR,I see your point and it's difficult for you. |
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Amanda2003 | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:14 |
I am thinking along the same lines as Stray and Hayley . If it where my son then I would wait for him to ask for my help in finding his father . After all Rose , your son must know that people can be found and as he hasn't asked then perhaps he isn't ready yet ? |
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Silly Sausage | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:17 |
or perhaps its like asking him if he wants another arm, what you have never had you can never miss he just isnt interested coz he doesnt need him, maybe you are thinking Rose that father is one missing out on a wonderful child. |
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:28 |
Thanks all :) |
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PollyPoppet | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:40 |
hi rose i had the same problem father wasnt interested in contact with my son and daughter i left it until they were adults and they both got in touch with him for a while he was keeping regular contact but then it just stopped no reason but that was his choice and my children dont bother with him now so sad because he missed out on so much and he has 3 grandchildren he shows no interest in either if you have a rough idea or possible address you can get and keep updated if you can then when your son decides the time is right for him you can then give him an address to start from |
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 15:47 |
Yes Wanda , he has always known . |
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₪ TeresaW elite empress of deleted threads | Report | 31 Aug 2009 16:05 |
At the risk of being controversial here Rose, I really dont' think that as your son is now14, the choice is yours to make. It is HIS choice. |
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ChAoTicintheNewYear | Report | 31 Aug 2009 16:21 |
I agree with TW. I was thinking as I was reading through this thread how to word it but she's done it better than I could, so other than saying I think you should ask your son before doing anything I'll leave it at that. |
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Uggers | Report | 31 Aug 2009 16:24 |
Rose, I think all you should do for the moment is keep having occasional chats with your son about his father. Whatever happens has to come from his inclinations - but of course he also has to know (which he probably does) that he can talk to you about his dad whenever he wants. |
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JoyBoroAngel | Report | 31 Aug 2009 16:39 |
if after 14 years your sons dad hasn't been in touch |
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Rambling | Report | 31 Aug 2009 18:12 |
Back :) and thanks to all who have added while I have been out ( Asda very busy !) |
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