General Chat

We all know what it's like to discover family secrets through our research....and to wonder about the reasons and emotions that led our long-gone relatives to take certain paths in their lives. So, do you intend to leave a 'chronicle' of your life story, so that future generations will understand more about YOU and your experiences in life? Bearing in mind that those whom you might pre-decease, might be hurt by your revelations? Dee x

If I thought they will cause some harm or offence to the ones left behind yes xxx Howie

I must go with Howie on this one. Sue

Interesting question Dee, and one to be thought of carefully. I don't have anything I wish to take to my grave concerning myself, but I have got a couple of secrets concerning close friends which will never be repeated, even if they do me the worst of wrongs.

The ones that I know will cause upset are definately going to the grave with me. Kim

seems i have a few friends secrets to take with me,,even one odd one and was told not to tell no mater how he died,,

My mum took a big secret to her grave . She died in 1988. We only found out last year. Still trying to figure out if it was a good thing or not but she had her reasons and I think I respect her even more than I did before for it xxx

Only if i die before i get time to tell anyone LOL Lil

Thanks for replies....I am thinking of PERSONAL secrets, emotions felt, reasons for behaving in certain ways etc. but definitely not what may have been privately shared with you by friends. Tonight I spoke to a relative, a paternal uncle, whom I discovered had a short-lived marriage to my maternal grandmother! There was of course, a huge difference in their ages (she was 48 and he just 21). I asked him, why did you do it? (Explaining that I was not about to judge his actions one little bit, I was just INTERESTED as to what the attraction may have been)! He said it was just the folly of youth...but I know there must have been more to it than that! After all, they both alienated themselves from their families because of it. We are all human, and it is the human aspect of my family tree that I would really like to discover. How they felt, why they did certain things....etc. etc. Which has led me to the question....will you....or even should you, take your secrets to the grave? Dee x

It is an interesting question Dee - sometimes people will give it food for thought beforre giving an answer. Like me. Luv TJxx

I will write all mine in my book...lol

No I won't Dee, everyone will know before I go,the reasons why I have done,said and acted the way I have. Not just yet tho :)) Plenty of years left I hope. (but I'm making notes already) Heather x

Is this really something that you can consider a secret ? You said that you were told it was 'folly of youth' but you suspect there is something more than that. If they alienated themselves from the family then maybe, just maybe, certain parts of the family know what the real reason is - after all 'folly' shouldn't alienate the entire family. So, you cannot tell only half the story when you believe there is more, and the 'folly' or more must be known to the family (or one part of it) or why would they have shunned him ? or perhaps those who knew and were responsible for the part they played, have already passed on. Maybe we all have skeletons in the closet and know part of the story but will never know the REAL truth. There are bones rattling in my cupboard but I know that I will never know the truth as the relative is now dead and the offspring were never told what happened, so we only know part of the story and that cannot be considered 'secret' or a reason for that alienation. The actual secret is the event that created the alienation in the first instance. As far as telling - if you knew the whole story - would not be prejudicial to anyone once the person(s) is/are dead for by then it is probable that the entire family would know - you would only be saving the couple, or one of them, embarrassment whilst he/ they still live.

my grandfather certainly took a few secrets to his grave. I know there is a letter still in existence that he wrote to my mums half sisters telling them that my mum had moved on and not to contact him again. My mum didnt even know she had half sisiters and brothers!!!! I have been promised a look at the letter but so far have not seen it.

Dee Yes a hell of a lot

Have you ever looked on hollywoodforever.com. There was a docu on Sky not long ago where people reserve their plots and have a video made of their life story plus photographs so that people can go online and see their relatives before their very eyes - very hollywoodish. Lu

This is so hard for me to reply to but feel that I have to,my Mum & Dad had a big secret that they obviously wanted to take to there grave with them. My Dad hinted about it 6 weeks before he died but never told the story in full it left me wondering but he was so ill I put it behind me. 6 months before mum died Uncle related a story to me that sort of tied up with what dad said so I had to ask mum she said it wasnt true but never taken the issue up with her brother my uncle if you see what I mean. Mum went downhill fast after I asked her and she must have stopped taking some of her medication I felt so guilty she only lived 6 months after although she was 86 . Really wished my uncle had kept what he knew to himelf as now we cant prove anything, for a year after she died I was really upset about it and I wished I had never asked her Take Care Linda

Oh Lin so sorry for the upset and your loss - yes I quite understand that some secrets are best laid to rest, although the secret in my family was both of joy and sadness. After my fathers death I found I had a half brother who I never knew about. It was great finding him, but unfortunately we never clicked as family, and the last time I saw of him was ten years ago which has left sadness in my heart. Lu

Yes, things done in the past are best left in the past, you can't change the past its best to take care of the future. Shirley Ann.

A very interesting thread, Dee, thank you:-) My simple answer is Yes, I believe I will, but will leave enough information around to satisfy any eager beaver trying to dig up some family records. In other words, I shall leave a heavily censored version behind me! BC XX